My Heart Hurt So Good (GirlxGirl)

Thirty Nine

Maxine's POV

Five years later...

I used to think that when love hits you so hard, that's just it. It either you will love again different or love more or love less. I thought the frequency of love may changed as such factors may affect the way you view love and relationship in general. I had read in books that love is a linear thing, going down or up.

But after a few dates with Ysabelle, getting to know her; her fears, thoughts, plans, knowing her personality, my perception in love changed.

Before, I only know it's love when I felt butterflies swarming around my stomach and as my heart is trying to escape my chest beating uncontrollably, but that's not it. That is the flawed perception of love I was trying to have since I was a kid - too much of love stories, i guess.

Knowing Ysabelle, I had relearn love. It is a beautiful and majestic thing indeed.

Five years of dating and I am at my happiest. Fights and misunderstanding is never absent but at the end of the day, my end game is with year. This relationship made me realized that I do not need to prove myself to have anyone see what's my worth. This does not made me feel puzzled with anxieties and fear, making my eyes swell from crying every night. This does not make me feel that I have to rush every single moment of my life going to the timeline I wanted to be ever since. This does not make me feel I have to burden one person or vice versa for us to achieve individuality.

Every time I looked into her eyes, all I can feel is a scent of green leaves, fresh air, with a hint of dandelions - a comfort beyond expression. This love is calm, easy, not heavy. I can feel it in my soul. I continued being my own, without forgetting my self-worth and identity. I am who I am when I am with her.

We don't have to talk every single day because I realized that she have her own life and I have mine. This love ain't suffocating. I also learned that when your intentions are pure, no one can hurt you.

Someone who fell in love  with my dawns and dusks, to my hails and midsummer, to my storm and cold nights.  Fell for my strengths and confidence, smile and laughter, bravery. That someone who makes me feel that I am not alone in every inch that I would take in every steps. I never imagine to have someone who fell in love with all my intricacies - and I do also. I love her with all her being.

Loving Ysabelle taught to stop searching for the impossible, rather create my own happiness, created my own possibilities with love and life, to have peace in blues and hope in hues. This taught me that no matter how my heart hurt so bad, it will be for a good reason. That no matter where or what is the beginning of your story, you can end it differently.

"What are you thinking about, my love? Might sharing it with your pretty girlfriend?" I go back to my senses as I heard and kisses my forehead.

"Your not just pretty, love. You are beyond beautiful, inside and out. And up until now, I am asking myself what have gone wrong with the universe that it gave me you" I replied, wide smile appeared on my face as I see red tints on her face - my girl is adorable with that blush.

"The universe was in the right state of mind, sending you to me my love." She smiled again, sipping her coffee. Trying to hide the blush in her face. "So, mind sharing your thoughts?"

I looked at her straight in her eyes, facing my body to her. "Nothing much, love. Just thought of how blessed I am to have you now and before. You know, with all the things you and I had been through, with our separated stories which we don't have any idea that we will end up here, together." I sighed deeply. "I just.. I'm just grateful for you, really. No jokes and puns intended. I may not say this often but I love you and will always love you, my Ysabelle."

"You're making me cry this early in the morning, Max. I love you too, always remember that. Okay? You will always be my Maxine. If someone wants you, then.."

"Then what?"

"Then they can have you.." she said standing and grabbing her office bag getting ready to go to work. I mouth hang opened.

"What!?"

"If someone wants you honey" she said getting closer to me, i can feel her breathe on me. "Then, they can have your lifeless body. Get it?" With that she kissed me slowly, the kiss was too sweet. I smiled in between our kisses as she grabbed my boobs. This girl is such a tease.

"Now I have to go, Maxine. I dont want to be late at work and get fired and be scolded my your mother that I dont have anything for you to feed" she said and I burst out laughing.

"Okay. Okay. Take care. I love you"

"I love you too"

There's a lot to learn as we grow old. And here's a few things I take notes of in love.

Keep in mind what's going well. When things go wrong, it's easy to forget that good in the relationship still exists. Although conflict needs to be addressed, it also needs to be viewed in the context of the whole relationship. Asking "what does my partner do right? " or "what is good about our relationship? " can help to ease some tension and face difficult situations with a more positive mindset. Additionally, thinking back on the last moment you enjoyed together can also bring the perspective needed to resolve and ultimately forgive.

Never forget to hug someone you love. Non-sexual touch has been found to release oxytocin, the neurochemical responsible for feelings of love and connection, as well as increased levels of empathy. A 20-second hug outside of the bedroom may feel awkwardly long, but is enough to get the oxytocin flowing, reducing stress and tension while increasing relaxation and connection. I read this in a blog from Psychology Today and well, i guess that is a scientific explanation when someone asks about the validity of few things I learned along my way.

Apologized immediately. Few things can relieve tension more than a sincere "I'm sorry". Conflicts often cause couples to quickly build emotional safety barriers, even in long-term relationships. A heartfelt apology can break these walls as it conveys what you have seen and understood in your partner's pain. I don't recommend blaming you for not being responsible, but I always apologize for any unintentional hurt or frustration by saying "I'm sorry to make you feel this way." Don't wait for your partner to say sorry, do it. Relationship involves two people.

You should dream together. Couples enjoy higher levels of dopamine, the neurochemical responsible for pleasure and satisfaction, early in a relationship when the chemistry is strong. However, because dopamine is primarily triggered by new or unique pleasure, the link appears to decrease over time. According to study, it resurfaces in couples who have been together for over 20 years in reaction to the strength of the bond. We can also stimulate dopamine in a relationship by giving each other new experiences to anticipate. One approach to do this is to imagine the future together or to have a same vision or objective. We sometimes just plan random date nights, weekend vacations, and other pleasurable experiences and if we have time we do it, basically to just relax both ourselves from the busy life and that helps us bond more closer.

Maintain your curiosity. Individuals adapt and change independently of one another, even in long-term relationships. It's critical that we stay intrigued about our partners and take the time to get to know them at various stages of growth and development. Don't assume you know everything there is to know about your partner at all times. Asking simple inquiries like "How do you feel about me, yourself, and our relationship these days?" " and "Is there anything new in your life or anything you are feeling that you want to talk about? make room and encourage learning more about your partner's growth. We always have deep talks even just before we sleep. Or even inside of a joke, we communicate our feelings.

I guess there's more to learning because our love story is not at its peak yet. When viewed through the lens of other people's carefully constructed pictures, even the strongest relationships are susceptible to discontent, but by following these seven recommendations, you may find it simpler to realize that your relationship is both good and enough.