My Heart Hurt So Good (GirlxGirl)

Twenty Nine

I woke up feeling my throbbing head, the events of last night played vividly in my mind. I mentally slap my face for acting like shit last night. I hear giggling and laughing downstairs, I assumed they were already up so I decided to take a quick shower and I really look like shit.

My eyes are red and puffy! Anyone could tell I've been crying the whole night. God. I try my best to look as presentable as I am and made my way downstairs. They were in the kitchen having breakfast, it's 11 in the morning.

"Good morning Max." Sophia and Annie greeted me but by the look on their eyes, I can feel that my face was so obvious from crying. But I doubt it since I really try to look okay, not until Ashley spoke

"You look like you've cried over you dead puppy Max" Ashley said laughing but I glared at her so does Sophia and Annie. She just shrugged it off and sip her coffee.

Annie look at me apologetically and I hate it. I try to avoid the burning holes I feel but the tension was really hard to resist so i looked at Celine, her gorgeous face had a confused look, trying to read me but I had built my walls. Her eyes were a bit red, was she crying? Or was it just the after effect of the alcohol? That was not my business though so I looked away and made my coffee.

"So, what the plan for today guys?" I asked trying to lighten the mood. All of us look expectantly at Annie, she beamed and put her coffee down.

"Well, we're going to the beach today. Sophia already prepared our things and food. We'll do a picnic or play volleyball and swim. Or whatever you want to do." Annie informed us and by she meant beach, it means at the back of their place. Their rest house was just a few meters away from the beach, a white-sand beach with blue crystal-clear water.

We all agreed enthusiastically and went to our rooms to get our suit and stuff. At about 1 in the afternoon, we made our way to the beach. The coast was clear except for some kids who were making sand castles. The sun glimmered at the ocean; heat radiates through our skin. I can hear the waves of the ocean as it goes with the breeze of the wind. I felt relaxed yet nostalgic.

Its where we declared our love.. our feelings for each other.

We placed our mat and food and prepare to dive in the water. I was wearing a big shirt with shorts, inside was a black two piece. My eyes caught Celine taking of her shirt and jeans and my eyes were about to come out. I felt my jaw hanging openly.

She has her red panty and bra. Her toned stomach and an hourglass body were visible to my lustful eyes. Damn, that body I always craved for. I looked away as soon as the thought went through my mind.

We all changed into our swimming attire and go into the water. The water on my skin felt hot. We just swam around and played for a while until I got tired and went back to the shore. I can't help to feel envy for Sophia and Annie, there they are, I can see they're holding each other's hand below the water while smiling to each other. They're both whipped. I laughed at my thoughts, not noticing that Celine had already made her way here and was about to sit beside me.

I looked away again, not wanting to give her the satisfaction.

"Why would you let them alone there?" she asked out of nowhere, I can see at my peripheral vision that she's not looking at me, she's looking at the beach towards Sophia and Annie's direction. I was confused by what she said. That was the longest line she had spoken to me. I wonder what come unto her senses.

"W-what?" I stuttered as I replied, looking at her, her hair was damp but she looked really hot with her wet look.

"You're jealous but you just let them" She said still not facing me, I can see sadness in her eyes. What is she talking about?

"Can you enlighten me on what you're talking about?" It felt good to have to talk to her even if I am so perplexed by her words

She sighed but still locked her eyes at the ocean. "I-I kind of hear you the other night. You're confessing something to Sophia--" I cut her off, was she talking about the night that Sophia come out to me and the night I told Sophia about our history?

"woah.. woah! What confessing thingy are you talking about?" I asked this time she looked at me

"Aren't you two like a thing? I uh I saw you two talking so serious that night then you hug her and she hugged you back while she cried and then I hear you exchange I-iloveyous then...—" She said mumbling, she looked away from me trying to hide the hurt in her eyes.

Is she jealous of Sophia or.. me? Why is she acting like this? Confronting me with this stuff, does she really like Sophia that way that she was jealous of me? That thought stings.

I looked away at her hurt face, I don't want her to be feel the pain I've been feeling knowing someone you love like someone else and that she's jealous of you thinking someone she likes like you. Can this situation get any more complicated?

Sophia and Annie seemed happy. They're both on each other's arms right now while Ashley and Sue were nowhere to be seen. If those two were not straight as a pole I would think they're making out somewhere now.

"I'm sorry." Celine began speaking, my ears ticked by what she said, what was she apologizing for? "Sorry I had pushed you away that day, I was being a coward and sorry for being a selfish bitch to you. Things were just so complicated that time and I overthink things. " She said, her voice made me feel relaxed.

I just stayed silent. I don't know what to say. I feel hurt, I feel happy because now we can have a chance to be back at it again but I felt so numb to the extent of not knowing what to feel anymore.

"Sophia is a nice girl. I like her-" she said and this time again my heart shattered into pieces. So, this is what this all was about? Sophia? I began to feel the burning sensation on my heart. Tears are starting to build up and my blood started to boil.

I can't let her see that I was again, devastated. I can't let her see the tears I've shed for her. I can't let her bring down my walls just by talking to me then broke my heart into pieces again. I am so fucking tired of it.

I hurriedly put my shirt and shorts on and run away. I ran as if my life depends on it that if I stopped and respond to Celine calling my name, I'll be in a dark room again with nothing left inside of me. I ran and ran until my legs hurt.

I can run away from Celine but I can't run away from the pain. But why should we run away from pain? I mean it is human nature to pursue gratification while avoiding pain. Most of our lives are shaped around this instinct. We have an unconscious need to turn away from pain and seek comfort in what is pleasurable and familiar. However, taking the path of least resistance in life comes with a number of consequences.

But can I really run away from this? Can we? Running away has the drawback of attempting to apply a definitive solution to an indefinite, continuing issue. We're attempting to tie up the loose ends of our lives until... they become intertwined. On a monstrosity, we're putting a bowtie.

Because the thing is, our problems aren't rooted in the places we leave behind or the people we don't see on a daily basis. Our unresolved emotional clutter seeps through every aspect of our lives, undetected for as long as we live.

When a new chance presents itself, it's the gut that balks. When you're challenged, you develop a sense of self-doubt. It's the same old pain of starting a new chapter without completing the previous one – you don't have a frame of reference to work with. You're attempting to grasp something new with both hands full, but you can't seem to find out why you keep losing it.

The truth is that pain is fundamentally unavoidable. It is an unavoidable fact of life that we will all feel pain at some stage in our lives. That is a fairly self-evident reality. We've all felt pain at some point in our lives. Knowing that's real, though, doesn't make it any easier to embrace. Pain can act as a catalyst. It has the potential to push us to expand and become stronger. We don't learn what we're capable of enduring and overcoming without it. Even if we realize that pain is unavoidable and that it can be beneficial to our health, we are still programmed to stop it at all costs.

It was all easier said than done though... I mentally sighed.

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