My Heart Hurt So Good (GirlxGirl)

Thirty

Maxine's POV

I HAD TO RUN AWAY.

These mixtures of emotions had been drowning my thoughts all day and night long. I love her yet I don't want to feel the pain anymore. Maybe they were right, that there right people who comes into our lives at the wrong time, at the wrong moment.

I stopped as I feel the breeze of the air on the seashore getting colder and colder. I can hear the waves of the ocean humming, calming me. I breathe out, closed my eyes and looked at the moon. It shines so bright as if she was looking intently at me.

"Max.." that voice, it was hers, the right person at the wrong time. When we meet somebody who seems ideal, it is only natural to want to make that connection and to manifest a relationship with that person. Those feelings may even be reciprocated and we may even begin an intimate relationship. But if that seemingly right person comes along at the wrong time, for us or for them, the relationship is doomed to fail. Although all the other boxes are ticked; attraction, values, life goals, geography; if the timing is off, neither party has any power over the course of the situation and the reality needs to be accepted.

"Celine"

"I'm sorry"

"I am sorry too." I said as silenced reign over us. There was no dull moment, the only thing I could hear are our sobs with the breeze from the ocean. I know that she knows that this will be our end. Amidst the chaos and confusions, we aren't meant to be.

It's harsh to accept, but meeting someone at the wrong time means she is the wrong person.

"I love you Celine.. I loved you and now is the time to set us both apart because it won't work if both of us won't choose each other and will be afraid of the what nots." I said looking at her, giving myself a mental hug for doing this, I think this is it.

I felt nothing now aside from the urge of ending things between us. The pain and struggles of our relationship, may it be small or big had pile up and I was just too tired to deal with it again and again.

"Let's end this now, Celine. This is my decision, for the both of us. For us to see that there is more outside the void that we had been dealing this past days. We are more capable of love if we are not stuck on each other and try to be brave for our future too. I understand you, I understand your pain and not I don't want to feel the pain anymore. Maybe, just maybe, if we can see each other again at the right time, we can be together, but for now we have to go on our separate path. What's your decision? I am giving you the chance to decide for yourself, for us."

She fell silent, contemplating and I found myself wanting to say those words back, but it feels nice to have that decision. I don't know, maybe I was just too tired for this.

"Celine.. Is that okay with you? Let's end this. Let us stop chasing each other because at the end of the chase we are still not sure if we'll keep each other or just let it go again, there is no certainty between us." I said

We both feel silent again as we both feel the moment, the painstakingly slow moment that we have right now is unbearable.

"Okay. Let's end this Maxine." She finally said it after a few awkward moment and I can tell that it was a final decision too. We smiled at each other sadly, devastatingly. Yet I cannot hide the pain I felt inside..

We looked at each other's eyes. I kissed her forehead for the last time and we hugged tightly. "I guess this is it" She said laughing sadly, "good bye Maxine..." We smiled at each other, the smile we had before, the smile of letting go of each other.

Like any great experience, good relationships are sometimes fleeting and just because they are not forever, doesn't mean they were any less meaningful. Sometimes having to let go of someone, makes your time with them even more significant, specifically because it was so short lived.

Meeting the right person at the wrong time is an opportunity to gain these life lessons and in time, most people tend to look back with hindsight and are able to appreciate the reasons why things evolved in the way they did. We can look back and see that although things didn't work out how we wanted them to at the time, they were better for us in the long run.

When you meet the one you think may be the right person at the wrong time, it is tempting to change yourself and your goals, in order to fit into the criteria that you believe will preserve the relationship. You are setting yourself up to fail and eventually, the real you and your truest needs will reemerge and you will have done nothing except waste yours and the other person's time. The best thing you can do for yourself is to be true to yourself; your desires, your life goals and where you are at in your life. Despite what you think you are missing out on, if you remain authentic, you can't go wrong.

You know what I have learned? Instead of reflecting on a situation you have no control over, reflect on yourself and you as an individual. Focusing on someone you cannot have at the moment will only regress you as a person and make you emotionally blocked off from any other potential partners.

If you continue to live your own life to its fullest potential on your calls, you will attract the right people into your life. With a healthy combination of self-care, working towards your goals, and developing meaningful relationships will eventually lead to the right romantic relationship.

Maybe this previous person is the right person, but maybe they're not. The only way to know for sure is to live your own life and stop focusing on what has already happened. it is best to focus on yourself and everything else will fall into place. Do not focus on the circumstances that already have happened in the past, but also do not focus on how they will affect the future. All we have is the here and the now, and the "right" person will come when you become mindful of yourself and your presence.

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