The Sinner

62

A/N: So in this chapter there's going to be two voices inside of Rafe's head. The italics is the bad voice, and the bold is the good voice. TW: Drug use ahead.

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Rafe Cameron

You know that feeling you get when you miss someone?

It's as though you can feel it all over your body. If I think about her for too long, nerves shoot through my arms and into my hands, creating a strange tingly sensation. It sucks. She's the only one that has made me feel that before.

I really fucking miss Corrine. I miss her beautiful and huge smile, her contagious laugh, her bright eyes, the way her entire body used to light up when I called her angel - I miss everything about her.

I know I fucked up, okay?

It's entirely my fault she's gone. I know that there's no one else to blame but myself. I thought I was doing the right thing at the time. I truly did. I want what's best for her, whether or not she's with me. I've said that since the beginning.

When you're alone, it's easy to miss someone. You think about everything you had with them, and believe me, I've thought about anything Corrine-related while I'm alone.

But I think you really understand what true love is when you're with a group of people and yet still miss someone. You're supposed to be happy and enjoy the moment. Although I find myself wishing every time that she was still with me. I wish she was enjoying the moment with me, and being happy with me.

But as long as I keep treating her the way I currently am, she's going to stay far away.

I know I've been a douche to her recently. I guess a part of me still wants her to live her life without me. The small good part of myself, that is.

But recently, I've felt the bad side take over. Not only with Corrine, but with everything. I started hearing voices in my head again, telling me to do awful things.

She was the only one who could get them to stop.

And for a while, they did stop. I didn't hear any voices when I was with Corrine. They were controlled because being with her was the closest thing to happiness I'd ever felt.

She was good for me. She was made for me. I know she is. There's a reason I've never felt this way before. She made me bet-

-Fuck, I want coke so bad right now.

No. I can't, I'm trying so fucking hard to stop. Not because it benefits me, I could give less of a fuck about myself. But it's because of her. She knew that I was high all the time, I hurt her because of that.

You have to stop for her.

Yes, I have to stop for her. No more coke, and only weed until I can stop the urges.

But she's not here right now, how would she know? Why do you have to stop if she's not in your life?

I shake my head. That's not the way to go about this. Be strong, you don't fucking need that shit.

Yes you do.

No. I don't. Corrine, not Coke, is what I sorely need right now. She is the one who will help me. She'll stop the voices. I take a deep breath and almost feel the urge subside. Almost.