The Sinner

41

Having Rafe's arms wrapped around me while I'm sleeping is something that will never get old.

It's like a comfortable warm weighted blanket that instantly puts me to sleep.

It makes me feel safe, surprisingly. Despite the fact that I'm in bed with a murderer, who also isn't the best person on top of that. And even after all that he's still my boyfriend.

We're in this so deep where I have strong genuine feelings for him. I don't get it. How can I love a murderer? How can I still love someone that killed another person?

I'm starting to hate myself for it. I should be scared of him, I should've ran and told the police that he killed Sheriff Pete. But I didn't, I remained by his side and kept my mouth shut.

Am I a coward? Or am I just that fucking needy to keep someone like that in my life?

I never really had any positive male attention in my life, so maybe that's what explains it. The absence of my father, and mother, explains why I can't make decisions rationally. I don't know, all I know is that I'm fucked up.

I need to stop with these thoughts. I'm being too unkind to myself. Thinking this way is only making me hate myself more.

I finally open my eyes, and stare up at the ceiling. It must've been two or three o'clock in the morning, it was still dark out.

I roll over to see that Rafe was gone. I feel my eyebrows link together and I sit up quickly. I look around the room, to see that the bathroom was vacant as well.

"Rafe?" I call out. My voices echos through his room but there's no response. I throw the covers off myself, and let my feet hit the cool wooden floor. I stand, feeling my legs ache a bit for some unknown reason. I walk over to the door and twist the door handle.

"Rafe?" My voice comes out as a whisper this time, I didn't want to wake Wheezie or anyone else up. The only thing lighting up this dark hallway was the moon, and as I peak down the stairs I see that it was still dark down there too.

Why would he just leave without telling me? I make a decision not to go down, only because I was to scared too.

I wonder if his bike was still here. I probably would've heard it if he left. So I continue to walk towards the deck, the one that was in front of the house. I unlock the glass door and carefully open it so it doesn't make much noise.

I walk out into the deck to hear voices. I feel my heart rate start to pick up, was it Rafe down there or someone else? I peak my head slightly over the black railing, to see that it was Rafe and Ward whispering quietly. I could barely hear them, but Rafe looks upset, or maybe even stressed.

"Who is that?" Rafe asks quietly.

"It's Gavin," Ward sighs. "I need your help Rafe."

"No," Rafe says and I hear his shoes click against the pavement as he walks. Both of their backs were turned towards me, so I try to get a better view of what they were looking at.

Rafe pulls the tarp off of whatever was in the trunk and I almost fall backwards in shock at what I see.

That's a dead body.

"Gavin...as in the pilot Gavin?" Rafe clarifies. What pilot?

"Yes," Ward says, but it doesn't seem like he's upset by the fact that he has a dead person in his trunk. "Rafe I need your help-"

"What did you do to him?" Rafe asks. "Is he, dead?"

"I had to," Ward tells him. "He was trying to blackmail our family."