The Sinner

90

trigger warning: this chapter contains descriptions of a panic attack

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"...Go to the window for a demonstration," Singh says before walking out the door and locking it behind him.

"Hey!" Rafe snaps, walking to the door and twisting the door knob. "Let me out!"

He tries the door again, and Kiara and I both sigh at his stupidity. It wasn't going to open, not unless we give Singh the diary. And Kiara's not going to let us do that easily.

I move the curtains to the side, peering down at the porch that wrapped around the house. Kiara glances over my shoulder, motioning to Singh who just got downstairs. His men drag a man with long blonde hair past him, as he stares up at us.

Rafe appears at my other side, his arm draping against the side of the window, so it was holding him up.

"Who's that?" He asks.

"That's the pilot," Kiara says. "He was trying to help us."

My eyes flash back to Singh as he makes sure we know he has a gun. My stomach sinks as I realize that he was going to kill Jimmy. I look away, my head subconsciously turns toward Rafe. He looks down at me, just as the gun shot goes off.

All three of us jump, even though we all knew it was coming. I swallow hard, trying to push out the thoughts of Renfield crawling up from the back of my brain.

Fuck.

I take a deep breath, putting my arms on top of my head. Rafe watches me walk away from the window, trying to calmly get air into my lungs without making the situation ten times worse for myself.

I close my eyes, and I see him again. His creepy cold eyes, crooked smile, even the way he smelled, it's like he was still here. But he's not, because I killed him.

"No bullshit Kiara," Rafe says slowly, "Where's the diary? Do you have it?"

"No."

"Well where is it?" He asks her. And when she doesn't answer, he grows impatient. "Kie!"

"I don't know!" She snaps back at him. "I don't fucking know where it is Rafe. So we'll have to figure out a different plan for us to get out of here."

I let out a sigh, sitting down on the bed. I didn't care that we were stuck here. My thoughts only contained Renfield at the moment. The way his eyes stayed open after I killed him, his blood on both Rafe and I's hands, the way Rafe made me lift his body into the back of the truck, the way I tried to scrub his blood off my hands for thirty minutes.

How am I not in prison?

"Corrine!" A voice snaps me out of my thoughts.

I open my eyes and look at the two people standing in front of me. Rafe had bent down, his hand was on my knee, looking up at me, clearly concerned.

When did they get there? In front of me?

"What's going on?" He asks.

"I-I think I'm having a panic attack," I whisper, my hands uncontrollably shaking as I only look into Rafe's eyes.

"Okay," He says and stands. He starts to pace, trying to think of some kind of way to help me.

I try to take in a long deep breath, but the more I tried the more it felt like my throat was going to close. It sounds like I was wheezing at this point, trying to force air down my throat.

"Slow breaths, Corrine, okay?" Kiara says, and I fight the urge to roll my eyes, even in a moment like this.

That's what everyone always tells me, but it never fucking works.