Healing Demons [Gaara x Reader/OC x Sasuke]

Chapter 32 | Memories

"Temari it hurts. It all hurts so fucking much... It's not that I don't want her, or don't want to fight... but what's the point if I don't deserve her? I'm like she said... some demon. I'm not a good guy, and maybe this was for the best that while I never did those things to her, she is still seeing me for who I really am. I just wish it didn't hurt me like this... I just feel so much pain in my chest, my head... All I think about is her its like I can't breathe... it used to be easier to push through my feelings. But ever since I saw her again in the cave, I just... something happened to me... it was like fear and hope all mixed together, I was so scared to lose her and I realized I never want to be free of her, I wanted her to want me, to be with me and to accept me for who I am no matter the cost to her... It was selfish, so incredibly selfish. But every day that passes this feeling in my gut grows, its so out of control now that I can't even control myself. I can't numb myself, I can't lie to myself anymore. To see her reaction to me, it broke me Temari. I'd never thought in a million years that she would look at me like that, say those things to me... I was an idiot to continue ignoring her feelings for the sake of my own fears and distrust... ugh," You growled into Temari's shoulder as you struggled to get the words out through crying.

"Gaara... you are a good guy, you're adored by our people and you've made so many friends. Not that you deserved it back then, but you're a completely different person than you were as a kid. I'm not just saying this because I'm your sister. But you are worthy of her and her love, why let someone else continue to ruin this... life is short Gaara, just let yourself be happy with who you want to be happy with. Let her love in, and love her like you've always tried to. You're only holding yourself back... you've let too many things get in the way, it's not fate that's against you – you're trying to work against fate and have been this whole time. I want to see you happy. I'm sorry everything has gone to shit right now, but we can fix this. Just have some faith, please Gaara. And for the love of kami stop running away and try!" Temari said, her hands rubbing soothing circles into your back.

"It's really not too late?" You whispered to her quietly.

"It's never too late," She said with a small smile as she tightened her arms around you.

"What can I do?" You said as you pulled away and stared anxiously at your hands.

"Well take a backseat for now, there's not much you can do right now. I'll try to find someone who can do something about the memories and in the meantime I'll try telling her with Kankuro how things really went. Hopefully that will jog her memory. We can even invite her friends from Konoha to help, now that they know she's alive," Temari said thoughtfully with her hand placed under her chin. She gave a curt nod of determination before she smiled at you.

"We've got this okay?" She said. She gave you two thumbs up before quickly leaving the room.

You let out a heavy sigh and leaned back on your hands. "Okay Temari... I'll put my faith in you." You said to yourself with a small smile before returning to your work. Maybe having siblings really isn't so bad, you don't have to face things all on your own anymore.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Temari had certainly put the effort in in finding a healer willing to try to work on her memories. Miku's friends had come and gone on many visits. Kankuro and Temari also tried to fill in the gaps for her. But as days turned to weeks, weeks into months... your faith was beginning to dwindle. After her wounds had healed she was brought to the Kazekage's palace and had a room in a wing, far from yours of course. Every now and then you could see her walking the grounds, sometimes with friends, sometimes with your siblings... but never with you.

She was so close, but you still couldn't get close to her. There had been very little progress. Despite the information being there, she couldn't help the innate fear that had be instilled in her now. You had tried a few times sporadically to see if any of the work that Temari was putting in was successful, but despite Miku's willingness each time to try she would continue to react in the same horrific way. It was shattering you, over and over. "I can't do this much longer..." You spoke quietly to yourself as you once again watched her from afar. She was exploring the small oasis created in the backyard. It seemed to be one of her favorite places to be. As if sensing eyes on her, she turned her head toward your direction causing you to quickly spin out of view against the wall.