My Warrior Path (Book 6)

Fighting Forever

In this lifetime
I've not been lucky
To have anything easy
Or nowhere near it
Though it's my last time here
As a human soul
Will never return

I have been essentially
Fighting forever
To reach any of the life goals
Most may find trivial
Getting the job they want
Finding the one to settle down with

It's not like I want to be rich
I'm perfectly fine being part of the
Hardworking middle class
Of America
But

My entire life since coming to this country
Has been a trial by hell fire
And my health has been the biggest challenge
I see my friends from different time periods
Filling their goals and I want that

No, I'm not jealous nor envious of them
I am so happy for them
But I want my life to fulfill its goals and dreams

I want to finish my doctorate
I want to become a tenured business professor
Teaching students of every caliber till I croak
I want my books, if just one to become
A Hollywood screenplay that big directors
Want to work with and be realized
I want to get my wreck & depth diver certs
I want to get married to someone who is
Right for me and no one else

I know in this lifetime I have real hope
For 3 of those and if Hollywood doesn't care
Fuck it! That's the last on the list
But can I please not be fighting alone forever?
It's been too long and I would love a reprieve

Trust me, I'll never stop fighting till the
Fight is done
I've never, ever had it easy
Shit doesn't fall into my lap EVER
But I don't begrudge my friends or former ones
It is their destiny

Just wish mine would be more then quicksand
Let me!
Just let me work towards what I want
Tiredness go away, too long have you
Clouded my movements

My goals will happen, even if you feel the urge
To fuck with them
I will return to school
I will write my dissertation
I will get my PhD
I will get the job I seek

I don't need a million dollars
Never did, just enough to help my mom
Live in the middle class myself

I have been fighting forever
And as HaShem Adonai is my witness
I will not give up on my dreams
The devil and everything, everyone against me
Can go fuck themselves hard and painfully
Because I will not, never give up; they chose
The wrong "victim"; I'll take them with me

Yes, some people are blessed
While others have to work for everything
Including their health; my G-d only is
HaShem Adonai gave me the miracle 8/1/15
I will not let Him down

M.E. doesn't own me, setback to Covid or not
I've survived MDD and anxiety that could have
Taken my life in the '90s but nope, sorry
Maybe I will always choose the hard,
Dangerous path and if that's this life's road
So fucking be it

I will always be happy for my friends
Who have everything at their fingertips
Because I know at the end of this life
A soul on its last journey,
I will get my wings and be done here
And that's worth the entire trip to earth
Many times over; this life is my last one

Yes, I've known since I was a kid at least
And I can finally at this human age tell you
I'm so fucking happy to not return
But I will fight until my last breath
To get to where I've set my human official goals

The rest....only Mt. Everest itself can stop me
Don't believe me?
Come at me........I dare you!