The Lieutenant [Jeon Jungkook x Reader][21+][COMPLETE]

Chapter Forty-Nine

The door clicked behind me as I left Namjoon's office. I leaned against it with a heavy heart and what felt like a boulder in the pit of my stomach. I was viciously nauseous and ashamed. After everything that I had done here, and everything I had worked so hard to accomplish; I felt like I had just set it on fire and watched it burn.

I slowly tried to recollect myself as I started down the corridor towards the main entrance so I could return to training, but the nausea got the best of me before I even made it three steps. I ran to the ladies bathroom that I knew was near the dining room.

I slammed through the door and immediately fell to my knees in front of the toilet to empty the contents of my stomach until there was nothing left. I dry heaved a few times before my body finally let up and allowed me to shakily stand on my feet. I flushed the toilet before closing it and sitting down.

Never, in all of my life, had I felt so guilty to the point where I actually needed to throw up. I wiped the beads of sweat that had formed on my forehead with the back of my hand as I caught my breath. I felt as though my mind had been taken over by a plague and was affecting all of my decisions. My heart had also started making choices for me, which I had never experienced before. I was always so logical when it came to decision making that my heart was very rarely involved in the process, unless it involved my family.

I was starting to feel frightened with myself. I had never felt this feeling before. A hollow, yet filling feeling had set into my chest and it made me feel comfortable, warm and whole; even though it was so foreign and unusual to me.

"What the hell is going on?" I asked myself as I placed my face in my hands, searching frantically within the depths of my mind for a logical answer; but there wasn't one. Absolutely nothing about this situation was logical and it was frustrating me to no end.

I walked to the sink to rinse my mouth out and wash my face. I needed to try and calm myself down. My emotions were taking a beating and so was my willpower.

I dared a glance at myself in the mirror and I regretted it immediately. My lips were still red and swollen, and a few small red spots were still present on the side of my neck. I knew that they would fade, but I wasn't sure if I wanted them to. Once my lips returned to normal and those spots faded, so would any traces of Namjoon and I's kiss. The first and last kiss we would ever share. A stray tear fell down my cheek as I examined my state and it was soon followed by a continuous stream of others. I wasn't sobbing, but I was crying. It was the cry of a promise broken and the potential loss of trust.

"Oh," I breathed as I wiped the tears from my face, "Jungkook..."

I didn't think it possible to hate myself more than I did right then. Jungkook never deserved any of this. He didn't sign up for any of this. Yet, I had thrown him into the mix of everything unintentionally, and he never complained once.

I shook my head and made my way out of the bathroom, brooding over it wouldn't change what happened. The only thing left to do was apologise to Jungkook and hope that he had it in his heart to forgive me.

As I stepped out into the empty corridor, Namjoon came storming around the corner, almost crashing into me. I stepped out of the way just in time, thankfully. The last thing I needed was another situation to feel awkward about.

"Sorry, sir," I bowed, and as I did so, I noticed the blood dripping from his hand onto the pristine tiled floor. His fist was clenched and there seemed to be scratches scattered across his knuckles. Did he punch someone? Or something perhaps? He didn't seem like the violent type, so it surprised me to see him in that state.

In both of our best interests, I left the conversation at that, and turned to walk away, trying to hide my tear stained cheeks and undoubtedly red eyes from him. There was no use in him seeing me like that, if he felt even remotely as revolting as I did, it would only make it worse for him.