This book is for the reviews of the stories submitted to via the now-obsolete Pink Alpaca Reads. Beware: honest opinions ahead.
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What I loved: The whole premise and world this story had are just priceless. I love how dynamic the MC is and how distinct her voice is. That's something I don't see very much, especially in third-person fantasy. The plot has a good dose of adventure, heart, and intrigue. I love the mix of dragons and magical abilities in one book. The pacing is also good, balancing mellow scenes with action sequences in the right instances that neither overloads the reader or bores them. Good job.
I also love how clean it is. I barely spotted any typos which is an amazing feat in itself and deserved praise. Overall, it's a unique journey that entertained me for quite a while.
What didn't work: I would point out here that the lack of a definitive conclusion in the character and plot arc was a bit of a turn-off for me. Like, everything is already going well but the way the first book cut off like that is sudden and well...disappointing. I would very much like to have seen Kristen have a complete and satisfying ending to that specific arc. Instead, I got an "oh, this book is going long so I'm just gonna cut it here. See you in the next book!"
I think the problem lies in structuring and defining character arcs in which you can plot a series. There are a lot of google articles and youtube videos about this. It's the only thing that turned me off and I kinda felt cheated of having finished the whole book (and this long story) and not given a satisfying closing. xD
What to improve: Def that major structuring issue mentioned above. I would suggest going back to your first draft and studying it closely.
What is the climax of your story? At how it looks like right now, the climax sits at a lot of points since the plot rises and falls a number of times. It's not inherently bad, but for a book to have a complete arc, you have to have a main climax event to which all the other, smaller climaxes had led up. Identifying and formulating the climax lets you have a more effective falling action as the stuff from the inciting incident gets resolved. It is also extremely important to have a semi-resolved arc by the first book since it will greatly prepare you for traditional publishing. (I may have seen it in your bio. lol.) My DMs are open to more questions/clarifications about this issue.
Moreover, while the prose is quite powerful and flexible, I had trouble reading through some of the dialogue because of how they're constructed. I understand the intention and the attempt at linguistic diversity but from a reader's perspective, it's quite distracting and a bit...disorienting at times. I have had multiple instances of stopping just to translate the dialogue to get the thought and there are times when I gave up and just moved on. I am not saying to get rid of them completely but just maybe....tone it down? xD
Lastly, about the other technicalities like paragraph flow and adverb usage, I would suggest going over the whole draft for a polish. They're not that big of a problem and doesn't get in the way of reading but yeah. A good line edit doesn't hurt. lol.
Final verdict: This is a solid 9/10 on my scale. This is a good story at its heart and promises intrigue, a good dose of humor, and adventure for those brave enough to seek it. Keep writing. Keep telling Kristen's tale. I would love to hear more. :)
