This book is for the reviews of the stories submitted to via the now-obsolete Pink Alpaca Reads. Beware: honest opinions ahead.
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What I loved: I think the premise of this story is really unique and that's what got me drawn into this in the first place. It's set in the near future where brain transplants are already possible. What would happen if there's crime involved in it? It's a really good premise.
I love how whole the characters are in terms of their lives, their relationships, and their motivations. The character work done in this story is quite good. MC voice is distinct and personal as well. I could really see her confusion and justifications, which is a good thing since it's not easy to do. xD
I also loved the progression of the plot. It took its sweet time but advances in a steady pace that doesn't feel like it's hurrying but it's kind of fast. This is the perfect pacing for stories and I loved it. uwu.
Lastly, I love, love, love how everything is connected to the MC's struggles and how she took the time to connect all those dots. It's a fully twisted mystery. It's also a bonus that I didn't see that plot twist coming. xD
What didn't work: It's most likely going to be the way the ending is presented. The way it seemed to jump around and only show the aftermath of things seemed to have taken the emotional impact from it. I'll be happy to expound more, spoiler-free, in PMs, but for now, I'll say that some of the elements to build up a satisfying ending aren't handled well. There are also character arcs that are not resolved and that could also use some work.
Other than that, there's nothing to really comment on in this section. uwu.
What to improve: Most of it will land on the technical side of things. First and foremost would be some misused and misspelled words. A few examples that I see that are consistent in the book are "non the less" for "nonetheless" and "apart" for what should be "a part". There are a few missing words and typos as well but nothing a good line edit wouldn't fix.
The adverbs could also use some trimming since they're splattered all over the paragraphs which kind of weakens the narrative. I recommend going over the story and reviewing all the adverbs used to see if there are some which are not necessary and which are essential to convey meaning.
There is also the case of crutch phrases when it comes to the MC's personal turmoil. That prime example of that is something like, "This isn't real, right?" then paragraph break, then, "Right?" I've seen this repeated over and over in the whole story. While it's a good thing to do once, it gets kind of ear-grating at the second and third iterations somewhere down the narrative. I recommend checking those again.
Final verdict: This is a solid 8/10 on my scale. Everything a story could have is there and at times, even more. It's a really, really good mystery story. Keep writing. Keep shining. you've got a good story in your hands! uwu.
