This book is for the reviews of the stories submitted to via the now-obsolete Pink Alpaca Reads. Beware: honest opinions ahead.
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Graphics made by @Exequinne.
Disclaimer: This program is separate from any communities or Wattpad Ambassador Initiat...
What I loved: The worldbuilding of this story is just insane. It makes me insecure and feel inferior but but but it does make me want to step my worldbuilding game more in the future series and stuff. I also loved the way it was executed in a way that it feels real and attached to the characters. The lore oh my gods. The lore is just amazing. ;-; This will be one of the works that I will be tearing apart in terms of learning how to worldbuild and execute it properly. ehe.
The characters are also really, really dimensional compounded with their motivations, backstories, and dreams and aspirations. It's just chef's kiss. (Okay this is just me fanbying. sksks.) In all seriousness, I love the dynamics between each and every character from the beginning until the end. Heck, even the stock characters have their own quirks and dimension. I just can't. aaaaaa.
The plot, itself, is just wonderful. The twists and turns, the meddling of the gods, and even the concept of fate and free will. All of it was just tackled wonderfully. It's a perspective I wasn't able to explore in my own high fantasy series and I'm glad this story did. uwu. The ending is something I'm still angry about at how it cut-off but at the same time, I could also understand why it's cut there. Lol.
Does it make me jealous that I wish I was the one who wrote this? Yes. Does this tory make me want to write a siren-themed world just because of spite? Also yes.
This story is just really, really good. ;-;
What didn't work: It's going to be the pacing, for sure. It took me a long time to get comfy with the story and the writing style but it was more of a me problem than it is the author's problem. xD I even considered dropping this story but I'm glad that I didn't. It's just the mystery, the things that didn't make sense, and the character voice kind of melded into this one haze cloud in my brain and that did make it harder to push forward. But yeah, I'm glad I did because things started to make sense in the middle. (Although, for the record, there are still a LOT of things that didn't make sense.)
Perhaps, the thing that kind of attributed to that is the need to introduce the worldbuilding to the reader at the first instance and suddenly, there seems to be the need to explain everything at once just to get it out of the way. I experienced this problem and it often manifested itself in the form of dialogue expositions, long, wordy paragraphs of nothing but worldbuilding info-dumps, and just a character explaining to the reader what things are. I admit, this point is really, really hard to admit but yeah. Those added to the pacing problem that didn't work for me (at least at the upper part of the story).
Another thing that didn't quite work for me is the intrusion of flashbacks in the form of italicized text, especially in the first parts of the story. I understand the intention---which is to introduce the character's memories and past and whatnot---but at this point, it doesn't need to be dramatized as done with the flashbacks. What it does is take the reader's attention away from the present narrative and bog them down with detailed flashbacks. There are effective ways that could be utilized to avoid resorting to italicized flashbacks in the middle of the narrative and at the same time make it clear that the character is reflecting on their past and memories. My PMs in Wattpad or in Discord are always open if you have questions on how to just that.
It's not a bad thing, per se. Just that it weakens the narrative to a certain degree and you can def make it stronger. uwu.
What to improve: Most of my points here will be focused on the technicalities since the structural and developmental edits are already out of the way since well...this story is waaaay past that. xD
First point would be the character voice. The writing style is already established but the distinct character voice especially with Illiana, Kain, Melitta, and Callias needs to be fleshed out more so that they could be more separable from each other. This will add more dynamic and strength to your characters as well as their dimensions. I mean, I wouldn't recommend this to every writer out there but for you who already have most of the story writing thing figured out, this might be useful. uwu. My PMs are also open if you have questions about this.
Secondly, you can def improve on the flow and beats of your paragraphs because some of them fall flat even when they're comprised of a character's thought and reasoning. Some of them are repetitive and too wordy. In writing, less is always more. These are fixable with a thorough line edit and I could show you a few examples if you want via PMs. There are also bouts of crutch phrases involved as well as some awkward phrasings but again, nothing a good line edit wouldn't fix.
Lastly, there are a few typos, missing words, and misused words that doesn't really get in the way of reading. They do, however, distract me from the flow of the story. Sorry about that. xD Nothing a good copy-edit and proofread wouldn't fix.
Final verdict: This is a solid 10/10 on my scale. Despite the points mentioned above, this story hits everything else and I'm still in awe of what you have done. This is a fully-fleshed out world, a dynamic and active plot, and a beautiful, beautiful work of art. I'm still jealous that I didn't get to write something like this but aaaaaa. I'm really glad you get to do it! <3 Keep shining. Keep writing. Keep learning. I can see glorious horizons for you, Kat! And well, you might have just gained a fan in me. uwu.
Disclaimer: If any of you are wondering what this story is doing here despite having over 200K reads, it's because when this was submitted to the program, it has less than that. It's the fact that I let it rest too long (think a few months at most since it was submitted) that it reached 200K and beyond. So yeah, out of courtesy to the time it was recommended and the time it took for it to reach the threshold, I have to give this story a chance and I'm glad I did. uwu.
