This book is for the reviews of the stories submitted to via the now-obsolete Pink Alpaca Reads. Beware: honest opinions ahead.
***
Graphics made by @Exequinne.
Disclaimer: This program is separate from any communities or Wattpad Ambassador Initiat...
Moxie used to be just another twenty-something Torontonian, going about her business in the city. Now she's stuck in another world, trying to get home.
Between mute aliens and her brain conjuring sex dreams to keep her from getting too stressed out, she's more than a little overwhelmed with how her life has turned out.
Will Moxie find her way home? Or is she caught up in something bigger than herself?
Review Proper
A. Blurb
The blurb is written in such a way that it sets the main conflict of the story but it tells us too little of the stuff that actually happened inside. It's not a bad thing, essentially, but it's something to look into if you want to paint a clearer picture of your blurb in relation to your story.
B. Setting
It's set in a set of new worlds, each with a creative tweak in our modern world. What I loved about this is it combines the creative aspects of fantasy worldbuilding and the complexities of dimensions and other sci-fi stuff.
However, scene painting could use a little work. The description of the fantasy worlds is good and well, but some of the familiar ones like Toronto or the close-up scenes could be made better with the characters interacting with their setting while talking.
Over-all, the establishment of the setting is already done well that I'm just mindblown. Woosh.
C. Plot
The plot is a good jumble of suspense, action, and...other things. xD I certainly didn't expect that cliffhanger at the end and didn't realize this was a series. The ending made me want to look more into Moxie's world and the adventures she would eventually face.
Beginning scenes grip the reader's attention albeit a bit confusing especially when it shifted with the twins' POV. Middle scenes are okay and move the plot along, which is good. Ending scenes are a bit confusing, especially the one where [redacted due to spoiler. PM me!]. It didn't quite reach the emotional threshold for me, tbh.
Over-all, the plot is exciting, tensioned, and with tons of revelations inside an action-packed adventure with lots of interesting worlds sprinkled in. Good job!
D. Pacing
One issue of mine with pacing is that it moves too fast for me to develop a certain connection with what's happening. Certain scenes were glazed over so quickly I didn't know what's going on until half a chapter later (I may be just dumb or something, but that's the way it is. lol.)
Another issue of mine would be the "sex dreams" referred to in the blurb and tackled in the story. I think it's...unnecessary in this story and didn't do much except well, introduce steamy scenes. I am well aware that this is the first book and the identity of that Adonis man isn't supposed to be revealed yet but the way the scenes were presented in this story was...well, dragging. ;-; (Don't come at me pls. ;-;)
Like, the story didn't even give us a clue that this man was important somehow. That makes it like a spicy addition and not actually part of the real story. Now, don't get me wrong. I've got nothing against steamy scenes but yes, the way it was handled in this particular work could use a bit of work. One suggestion would be: explain to us that this man is important but without spoiling us of the details if you're ever introducing the real explanation in the next books.
Over-all, the pacing is too fast but with my hyper-active brain, I can go along with it. So, good job! I read this in an hour and a half. That proves how invested I am in your story! Good job!
E. Characters
I think one consequence of the too-fast pacing is that it gave the readers less time to connect with our other characters and left them with enough confusion to go. With Moxie's storyline, I've got nothing against it. Moxie's character was sassy, strong-willed, and overly written well. Some bouts of melodramatic crying especially in the beginning but totally understandable and forgivable.
In the twins' storyline, however, I ended just generally confused about how their world worked. It left so many unanswered questions that I'll have to not include here because of spoilers. But the additional characters towards the end like Nick, his wife, and others were just run over with exposition that, not only did I not get a full grasp of who they are, I also didn't get to connect with them. So, definitely work on them!
Over-all, I find this story to be a plot-driven story and focused less on character development. It's no problem! It's been my struggle too but we can make it work!
F. Technicalities
This manuscript is REALLY clean. There's like, one typo and nothing else. For that, thank you, thank you, thank you!! You did a good job in this part. This story contains a few adverbs but not too much. I would still suggest razing some of them to make your narrative flow better.
Telling at some points is one of the issues I'd like to point out. It's not bad but it can be improved. Tell us what's happening but show us what Moxie's feeling. In many instances, these two are mixed up. However, it's totally forgivable!
Other than that, I've got no problems in technicalities which made this a great read from start to finish. A very, very fine job! :)
Over-all Impression
This is a solid 10/10 on my scale. This is just such *chef kisses*. Everything is done quite well and could only get better from here! Interesting story, worlds, and action. Give it a read! Congratulations, ESHurricane! :)
