This book is for the reviews of the stories submitted to via the now-obsolete Pink Alpaca Reads. Beware: honest opinions ahead.
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What I loved: The premise and worldbuilding of this book are just unique. I admit that the greek myths are so scratched dry now but this book managed to get a unique spin into it. I love the series potential, the twists and turns, and the way the plot unfolded. The pacing is good, fast enough to guide you through the story but not enough to gloss over some things. Overall, it's an excellent job. uwu.
What didn't work: I guess I would focus on the technical sides and the execution of some elements. First point would be the characters, especially the MC, herself. I felt like she is a little flat and her voice is a little dull. It didn't feel great to be stuck in her head because well...she isn't that engaging. ;-;
Second would be the melodrama. It's actually a sign that your character is flat, along with always getting knocked out as a way to shift scenes. It may sound awesome in our heads but to others, it might be a symptom of something deeper. ;-;
Last point would be the prose. I would provide more info in the next subsection and how to best fix it in your next drafting stage.
What to improve: The first point is about characterization. At this point, I would suggest going back to Amelia's character and really spending time honing her voice, her motivations, and her goals. Give her flaws, quirks, and even biases. It helps to distance your characters from you, as an author, because first and foremost, they are not you. Finally, go back to the structure of your plot, and the sequence of your scenes, and identify the points where the beats seem weak. My DMs are open (both Wattpad and Discord) if you want more, in-depth insights about this. xD
There were also points where several secondary character actions do not make sense or are just unrealistic. It will be a spoiler so I would not divulge it here. My DMs are also open for that. lol.
As for the prose, I found many instances of telling, info-dumping, dialogue expositions, and a barrage of adverbs. Dialogue tags and the setting of the scene also need some work. All of this takes the punch from your narrative but it's not unfixable. One advice I can give you is to look at trad pubbed books and see how they do these things. My DMs are also open if you want more specific examples in how I would want to fix them. xD
The action scenes, I believe, needed an upgrade too. Some of them became bland and uninteresting as a product of the issues mentioned previously. My DMs are also open if you want some examples on how to fix this. :))
Lastly, there are a spattering of typos, misused words, and cases of tense shifting. Nothing to worry about as I would like you to focus on the aforementioned stuff first before going to the line edits. Saves you the headache. lol.
Final verdict: This is a solid 8/10 on my scale. Great plot, good hook, and plus points for the worldbuilding and intrigue it introduces. Good job on completing a story and for telling it! Keep writing and keep improving. You've got a long way ahead of you. uwu.
