the pink alpaca reviews

[2023] - I

Whisper of Blade by MiyaHikari

What I loved: This is certainly a book that lived up to its hype. It hit every ounce of my sweet spots when reading YA Fantasy and the writing style is so, so, so good. The dialogues---damn. They give me a run for my meager money and boi, it's one of the things I need to learn from you. The worldbuilding is also neat. The execution of politics and how it interweaves with the plot and the conflict is also good. I loved the interplay of Asian culture, the elemental power trope, and Greek myths and bestiary. It made this work truly, truly unique.

Character work is good, with everyone, including secondary characters, having clear motivations, goals, and aspirations. Everyone has their quirks that makes them unique and interesting, even ones that appeared briefly. The dynamics between them, and how the MC navigates her world,  are also chef's kiss. I really have no comments about this area, because well, this is where I fail most in my works. xD

I also loved the themes tackled in this book, the emotions, and the sharpness of the prose. It's a skill I need to learn if I am to make it anywhere in the writing world. And, I believe, you have already reached that level. I'm just a mere plebian compared to you at this point.

What didn't work: From here on out, I'll be focusing on the semi-advance nuances of novel writing. I think you and I are at the same level, and if not, I think you are certainly on higher ground. At this point, to most readers, I'll probably be speaking Greek, so...here we go.

The first thing that didn't work for me is the abundance of fantasy terms and concepts that was dumped on the reader at the beginning of the story. While you did not resort to info-dumping the politics and stuff of the things that the MC already knew, it contributed to the narrative having so few explanations on what that stuff was. Having read the book in full, I felt a bit bummed that the conflict posted by the first chapters was glossed over at the end and has been offered little to no resolution. More on that on the latter points.

The second thing is that while the descriptions of the grand setting is good, the visceral components of characters talking through dialogue tags are good, I find that there is a lack of descriptions in the most crucial parts of the story, with that being the hollow place. Having finished the book, and having an explanation of it done by the MC at the end, I still have no idea how it works, what is it, and what in the world is happening whenever she enters it.

Another smol point is that once the characters enter a room, the descriptions of the intimate setting kind of vanish that every scene kind of just feels like it could take place anywhere else and it wouldn't make a difference.

Third point is the climax, or rather, the lack of it. There are multiple points where the story might have gotten it and it just went on and on. In the supposed climax, [scene redacted due to spoilers], it felt off and so sudden that at the denouement, I was just like, so what did I just read?? That's it??

That leads us to the next point I'm going to make. I felt like the book is disjointed in the former and latter halves. Even without knowing the story of how you wrote it and the point in the story where you started doing it, I can still see the traces of the stitches where these two halves are forced to be knitted together. This led to the story suffering in its pacing, its establishment of several important points in the narrative, and yes, the ending.

And yep, I'm going to talk about it without really spoiling anything. The rising action is handled well, and so is the introduction of the stakes and conflicts involved, but the way it's tied off, the way several aspects of the MC's internal conflict, felt...flat. Hurried, even. The pivotal emotional shift is, I believe, stood on shaky ground.

As it stands, I feel like the ending is just a direct cut-off even though it isn't, and that the whole story is just the upper half of a more expansive story.

What to improve: Of course, those points I said above. What follows is the stuff I noticed but doesn't really affect the story's readability. These points just enhance the reading experience when attended to.

First would be the action scenes. I know, gasp. Reading through them, I felt like they could be improved in terms of 1) word choices, 2) syntax and sentence length, 3) flow, and 4) the "visual"-ness of the whole sequence. At the moment, most of the sequences I read are wordy, affecting the punch and the fluidity. You are dealing with martial arts/magic bending ATLA style and it's hard, indeed, to execute with words, but there are ways to improve this. They are, unfortunately, technical, so my DMs in Wattpad and Discord are open for consultation. I can show you how I would edit one action sequence and you can go from there.

There is also the presentation of scenes like the sudden insertion of backstories at odd points in the story to attempt to explain why the characters behave that way or to introduce another character the MC knew before. I may be wrong about this, but I think it's best to keep the timeskips to a separate work or something, because it takes away the "present"-ness of the story. There are also edits I would suggest, but again, better done in DMs.

The execution of worldbuilding, like I pointed out in the previous section, as well as the various developmental edits regarding the pacing, story progression, and overall beats and parts. I have no idea how to advice you for that whole thing in a span of a 1K-word review, so again, DMs. (I've been using that excuse quite a lot. lol.) But yeah, there's also the entire realm of plotting for a huge series and its little components and I'd hate to overload this review. xD

And finally, finally, I'll get to the main thing I wanted to say about this story. I think most of the issues I found really stem from one, central issue. You need to know what the big picture is. What is WOB's story? Is it about family, forgiveness, and finding peace? Is it about the politics of the world and how one girl navigates through it? Is it about friendship, first love, and learning to trust? Is it all of them? What is the most basic pitch of this story? Its emotional core?

Because as I see it, this story feels, kind of, all over the place, like you wanted to tackle a lot of themes in a 90-100k work. I have the same problem with COF series, to be honest, and I don't think I can do anything about it anymore. BUT, you can definitely do something for Minerva's story. I know you can. uwu.

Final verdict: This is a 9/10 on my scale. It's a heart-rending, solid adventure that will keep one at night and one that has a ton of lessons and heart to give. You've already got all, if not most, of what it takes to make it in this industry. Keep writing and keep shining. Remember me when you reach the top, Miya, because you will. :))

IMPORTANT: This review is a product of a giveaway I did for DreamlandCommunity for its 3K members celebration. For other announcements regarding this program, see Announcements - [2023].