This book is for the reviews of the stories submitted to via the now-obsolete Pink Alpaca Reads. Beware: honest opinions ahead.
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Graphics made by @Exequinne.
Disclaimer: This program is separate from any communities or Wattpad Ambassador Initiat...
What I loved: You can go back to the snippets I did during the judging rounds. They should give you a clear picture of what I loved in this work to make them pass through the final judging stages.
What didn't work: I have some qualms about the ending, but they are not enough for this section. I'll put it in the next section instead since this work is so excellently done it's criminal it didn't take my entry's place.
What to improve: Everything up to the third act was done so well that I question if this was still an ONC novella. It was written so much like a novel, complete with a perfect tension between the romantic leads, a dystopian-level external conflict, and high-stakes storytelling and worldbuilding. BUT that weight soon showed towards the end, when the wordcount limit started creeping up and the chapters started speeding up to avoid going overboard.
One such issue is evident in the third act which is characterized by the dwindling descriptions (which should have been tuned up more since the characters are in new places or new experiences), the convenient character placements and psyche shifts (ie. Ying and Jada), and an overall faster pace that isn't typical of the earlier chapters.
I suppose in the next round of edits, there is time to get the plot points towards the third act in a much more leisurely place than what a novella could offer. That way, the progression feels more natural and easy, instead of having to resolve a lot of things and having so little time. The world is huge, and the key to writing within wordcount limits is to know what kind of story you're telling from the get-go. What is the main arc of the MC? Novellas typically do not have room for two or more characters to each have their arcs, and novels provide more room for them. So yeah. To improve this, I suggest lengthening it more.
Final verdict: This is a solid 10/10 on my books! I love so many things about it that all I said felt a bit like nitpicking. xD So...yeah. Keep shining, keep writing, and keep telling these tales of redemption, stressful plots yet happy endings, and fluff-angsty characters. I shall look forward to seeing you on the homepage. ;)
IMPORTANT: This review is part of the prizes for the Pink Alpaca Awards 2024. For other announcements regarding this program, see Announcements - [2023].
