The Ancient Sorceress ~Loki x Bucky AU~

Chapter 50

We made it back to the tower in one piece. Once we pulled into the garage, I saw Nat turn on the security lock on the facilities. She forcefully grabbed my arm and we ran to the elevator. As we stepped out onto our main floor, Tony was already in his iron suit.

"Glad you made it back but we got to go. Fury found some suspicious readings on some weapons or a bomb near the location of some highly ranked individuals. He wants us to go get rid of whatever they have planted there. No time to waste. Go suit up." He pointed at Nat and Cap and they ran off quickly to throw on their clothes. He turned back to me, his helmet lifting so I could see his face. "I know you want to go on missions but we thought for this first one it would be good to just get some rest. I have Jarvis keeping an eye on you and you can roam around any of these top floors. We will be back in a bit."

I nodded, hugging myself tightly realizing they were all going on this mission without me. I wasn't bothered with being alone, it just unsettled me. I waved as everyone ran out the door, most jumping into the Quinjet on the balcony helipad. Once they were gone, the tower just seemed to get darker.

I made my way over to the fridge to see if there was any food I could eat. There were so many tubs in this fridge, I couldn't decide what to eat.

Jarvis: If you would like miss, I could order you some food.

I jumped as Jarvis's voice played suddenly over my head. "Geez...You scared me Jarvis."

Jarvis: I apologize. It wasn't my intention to startle you.

I waved my hand, holding my other one over my heart, attempting to steady my rapid heartbeat. "It's alright...not your fault. Um.. about the food. I think I'll just wait. I could use some sleep anyways."

Jarvis: As you wish. If you need anything let me know.

"Ummm. Yes actually. Will you let me know when they are on their way back from their mission?" I looked up to the ceiling as if I was talking to an actual person.

Jarvis: Of course.

I reached up into a cabinet and grabbed a glass. I filled it with water and made my way up to my room. Once I got there, I drank some of the water and set it on my bedside table. I was comfortable in my hoodie but I decided to throw on some shorts. I sat down on the bed and stared out into the abyss of the night sky in front of me.

In these moments when I was truly alone, I couldn't stop the overwhelming flow of thoughts and feelings that washed over me. I had no distractions to keep me from walking down this darker path. I was feeling hopeless. Hopeless for not being able to protect Frigga like I wanted to. Hopeless for not being good enough for my soulmate to want to try to be in my presence. Hopeless because I was still struggling to control my darker magic.

I remembered what Nat had told me about just suppressing it enough to where I would only use it if necessary. I would use that added power for good, not evil. I couldn't figure out how to do that though without worrying about losing control and hurting the only people I cared about.

I already felt numb and like an empty shell because I couldn't touch, or talk to Loki, my soulmate. The soulmate bond was really effecting me and I just wished I could have some sort of release. If he was alive why wouldn't he just come see me? What was so important that he had to distance himself so far away to protect me?

That feeling of being alone continued to weigh on me. I guess he didn't feel like I could protect myself enough from whatever was out there to get me. Sure...I knew Hydra was still out there but I trusted the Avengers to help keep me safe. I blinked my eyes and snapped myself out of the daze I was caught in. I felt a cool wetness on my cheeks. I brought my hand up to touch my skin and that's when I noticed I was crying.