Don't Fear The Reaper (R. Grimes & D. Dixon)

69

When Kit opened her eyes, she wished she hadn't. Her pain wasn't just bone-deep anymore; it left lesions on her soul she could no longer ignore. It was no longer a beautiful thing that once brimmed with joy and love like the wildflowers on the bedside table. She sat up slowly, hoping her memory was flawed, but she knew it wasn't after feeling the sensitive area on the side of her head. Negan was very much alive. Her eyes snapped to the door to see Rick and Daryl briefly pausing to enter the room. "You're awake," Rick said, entering; Daryl began chewing on his thumbnail, his other fingers twitching as she just stared at them. " We were beginning to get worried-"

"You kept him alive," she stated, her voice hoarse and throat sore.

"What happened, what we did. What we lost, there had to be an after to it all. we're gonna show him-" Rick tried

"Get out," she whispered

"If you just-"

"Get out!" she screamed, throwing the vase of flowers at the wall next to them. Both men flinched and then watched her hold her side, curling in a ball, crying, begging for them to just leave. They left the room reluctantly but not without tears of their own. All while, a bandaged Negan could hear her from the room next to hers as she cried till she just didn't anymore. She layed in that bed for two more days till she decided to get up, putting clothes on even though it was painful to move, to breathe. But when she left the infirmary, she didn't go home; she left. Walked right out the Alexandria walls. She didn't know where she was going to go yet. She just knew she couldn't stay. Negan was alive, and rick and Daryl wanted her to accept that, but she couldn't and didn't know that she ever would. It wouldn't matter how many letters Jody and Carl had written her with pleas for her to remember who she used to be. she either wasn't ready or was just so lost she couldn't remember; she couldn't tell the difference anymore. She had walked for what had felt like years till she just fell to her knees, looking up at the sky. What used to be a blue sky when she left was now a starry sky, and she hadn't even noticed. She carelessly let her back fall to the ground, watching the stars till she fell asleep from exhaustion. 

"Kit?" a voice barely stirred her, she could them shaking her body, but she was just too tired to care.

The next time Kit opened her eyes, she was in a familiar trailer. "Hey," Maggie said, sitting up in her seat and seeing her eyes open. "here," she said, holding out a cup of water for her before she could talk. Kit took small swallows, eyeing the IV in her arm. 

"How did I get here?" she whispered, looking back at her friend.

"Jesus found you on his way back from redirecting the herd." 

"I just couldn't be there." 

"I know." maggie gave her an understanding look reaching over and squeezing her hand. "Kit, there's something you should know. When Dr. dana ran all your bloodwork to make sure it wasn't just dehydration, she found-" she sighed, " Kit, you're three months pregnant."

kit shook her head, looking to her abdomen. "No, I'm on birth control-"

"Kit," Maggie said softly, catching her eyes and letting her know this was real. 

"can I see it?" kit asked unsurely.

Maggie nodded, helping kit move to the back room and lay on the observation table. Kit unbuckled her pants and lifted her shirt just as Enid walked in to help operate the sonogram. Not even 10 minutes later, kit held a picture of her baby in her hand. she could see its head, a tiny hand, and belly. Admittedly Kit didn't know what to feel. She was happy, of course, but she was still dealing with the very newly made emotional wounds from Negan's life being extended and her unresolved grieving for Theodore. she knew she had to straighten her feelings out not just for her but for the baby as well. How was she supposed to bring a life into the world when she, not even an hour ago, didn't want to be in it? Not long after eating, she went back to bed to sleep, then woke up early to think while watching the sunrise.