Eternal Longing ✓

24. Hurt, Ruin, Dirty

JAYA

The first time I kissed Finley Barton, I was painfully unaware.

Don't get me wrong, I knew that allowing his lips to press against mine and take would change something. I knew it the same way I know not to rest my hand on burning fire lest I get a whopping first-degree burn.

Yet, I allowed it.

It's a year later, three hundred and sixty-five days and some change, and I still find myself making that same mistake. Okay, maybe not a mistake. A mistake might happen accidentally, allowing Finley to possess my lips did not.

Pressing me against the same door I've just vowed to walk out from to end my stay at his home, Fin takes complete control of the kiss. His lips move against mine in skilled, passionate movements.

For obvious reasons, I can't keep up. There's an unmatchable force that permeates the way he kisses me, the way his hands move all over my body, the way he traps me against the door. I want to struggle against him and demand he let me go, but I can't.

Even I can't lie and say I don't want this. Truth is, I want it so much.

I crave the way he completely takes over our movements, the way he pushes me, the way he's unable to stop.

We both need to come up for air, but he keeps kissing me, his tongue taming mine and his strong body restricting my movements.

For a girl who's felt trapped and constricted her whole life, allowing Finley to confine me within this kiss is the most freedom I've ever felt.

When I think that it's over, that I'll experience death by suffocation while kissing, his lips unlock from mine. We're both breathing hard, our chests colliding as we inhale the oxygen our body needs.

I keep my eyes on his hard chest, trying not to make eye contact to see the way he looks at me. I can already feel it, I don't need to see it as well.

Of course, Finley's not here for that so he places a finger under my chin and tilts my face up to meet his eyes. The heat and anger don't compare to the longing that I see in them. It's as if he's been waiting every second of the last year to kiss me like this again.

"One year, Jaya. That's how long you've kept these lips from me." His thumb moves up to rub my swollen bottom lip. "No more of that, understand?"

I want to argue and tell him that, at the time, I had no other option but to back away from what we had. I want to tell him that I wasn't the only one I was thinking about when I rejected him, but that my family was the major factor in my decision.

But I don't. Because if I said anything, I'd have to unearth everything including my medical condition and the reason for its existence in the first place. Not only do I think that Finley would not care, but I can't bring myself to be that vulnerable with him.

It's his hands on my wrists that bring me out of my thoughts, and remembering his question, I nod. "Yes, I understand."

Later, I'll curl up in a ball and curse myself for giving in so easily, but right now I want him too much for any argument. And as his hands on my wrists lower to slide underneath my shirt, I'm satisfied with my decision.

"You don't know what you just agreed to, sweetheart." He shakes his head slowly and leans closer to me until I'm pressed against the door once again, his hard body against mine.

I gulp. Watching him get closer to me with a dark look in his eyes, I begin rethinking my agreement. Maybe I could just duck our real quick?

As if he can read my mind, he shakes his head once again. "You won't be going anywhere for a long, long time, little artist."