Eternal Longing ✓

57. The Breaking (Part 2)

JAYA

The word doesn't register for a while, and I just keep staring at him. Staring at his face enclosed in darkness, and even though I can't truly see him, I can feel him in every way that counts.

Wife. His wife.

His body, somehow now against mine, his warm breath against my neck, and his hands slowly trailing down my length. Slowly, very slowly as to not alert me, but with the type of ownership that tells me he does not understand the concept of us not existing.

"What?" I shake my head slightly, not comprehending his words.

"I had to."

I tremble at the feeling of his lips pressed against my neck, but I force my arms to remain limp by my side, which isn't too difficult given how shocked I am.

I've never seen Fin like this. Never felt him like this. As if it would kill him to let me go, so he's fighting everything-even himself-to hold on to me. So filled with a want that is unlike anything I could comprehend, having him near me is poisonous.

"Finley."

He keeps kissing my neck, his hands tightening around me even though I don't shrink from his touch. I stare at the darkness above his head, wondering so many thoughts that I can't even settle on one thing.

All I can think about, the only thing that makes sense at the moment, is how foolish I've been.

"I promise I'll be good to you, Jaya. I promise, baby," he keeps whispering against my flesh, words sweet and tender but as deadly as fiery arrows. "I need you, sweetheart. And you're mine, aren't you? All mine."

I don't say anything, just keep thinking about my stupidity as he keeps whispering, trying to mollify me, to render me weak, and manipulate me the way he always has.

And that's the truth of it all-he has manipulated me. More accurately, I've allowed myself to be manipulated. Allowing the way my body responds to him to be the reason why I didn't ask questions and make ultimatums.

From the very beginning, his presence in New York-at Muller-did not make sense. It wasn't only a surprising development, but highly suspicious and questionable. It should have been a huge red flag to me, and it was for a little bit, but then, he touched me and kissed me, making me forget how to be smart.

So I allowed him back in, and I let him gain access to my most vulnerable parts, but not only that, but I also went and fell for him.

Reckless and seemingly real, I thought our story would be akin to Romeo and Juliet's without the tragic death sentence. But what I didn't know, what I chose to ignore, was that my supposed Romeo was holding himself back.

So almost two months and a heart on the brink of breaking later, here I am. Still letting myself be manipulated into a game in which I'm not even a well-equipped participant.

No. This time, I refuse.

"I'm not your wife, Fin." I feel him going rigid against me, not moving back, but freezing. "Not now or fucking ever. I'm not and I'd say that I'm sorry, but actually, I'm not."

My voice is hard and unforgiving, but inside, I feel another piece of my heart shattering to pieces. It breaks me to hurt him, and I hate myself for still feeling any emotion for him, but I lay aside how I feel for the time being and steel myself against him.

If I'm going to do this, I need to be ruthless. Heartless. Unflinching and steady.

If I'm going to rid myself of the hold he has on me once and for all, I need to ignore everything except for the end goal.