Eternal Longing ✓

34. What The Heart Wants

JAYA

My mother cannot know about this.

It happened very quickly. Out of nowhere, really.

In the first second, I was lying face-down on the carpet, dejected and complaining to Hannah via FaceTime because all my attempts at sketching just felt wrong.

In the next second, I was bouncing up and impulsively dragging the heaviest canvas I could find out of the ones Finley bought, thinking that maybe I just needed to slather some paint on it and the idea would come.

And in the third second, I was breathing hard, clutching my chest, and walking out of the apartment while Hannah on the phone completely lost it and jumped into her car to pick me up.

And now we're here, at a hospital five minutes from campus, a red Jell-O and a cup of cold water on the side table as I sit on the hospital bed, my heart pumping just fine after a nurse checked my pacemaker.

Once again, my mother cannot and will not know about this.

That sequence of events, if ever repeated back to her, will be enough reason for her to board the next flight to New York.

"We believe that the pacemaker might have malfunctioned when you were moving the heavy canvas. Combined with the stress you said you've been feeling, seems like that was why your heartbeat was not controlled."

I nod at the doctor with a smile before glancing at Hannah who hovers by my bed. "See? Told you, it's no big deal."

She only grips my hand tighter, her eyes worried and shiny with unshed tears.

"Well, it wasn't nothing," Dr. Roland corrects. "You only got the surgery a little over a month ago, Jaya. You haven't been resting as much as you should."

Isn't that an understatement . . .

I open my mouth to defend myself because it's not all my fault. Sure I've been more . . . active than I probably should have been given the fact that I just got the pacemaker fitted five weeks ago, but stress from school has also contributed.

He raises a hand to stop me. "And yes, I know. You're stressed with school and whatever young people are stressed with these days," he grins knowingly, "but you need to take better care, Jaya."

Letting out a breath, I nod in understanding. "You're right, doc."

"Of course I am." He smiles once more, squeezing my shoulder. "I don't want to see you back here, alright?"

Chuckling, I'm about to tell him that I'll stay far away from the hospital but the door bangs open before I can even open my mouth.

"Step the fuck away from her."

I flinch, both his presence and tone scaring me as he stalks closer. The doctor drops his hand from my shoulder and moves back, making space for Finley to stand in front of my bed.

"Fin?" I look him over, noting his haggard appearance. "W-What are you doing here?"

I thought I'd make it back to his apartment before dinner and could avoid this, but somehow-likely due to my dear roommate-he's here.

Fuck.

His hand slides up to my nape, and though he's being gentle, his gaze is still hard with his eyes darting around my face in a mix of concern, anger, and what looks like some fear.

"What am I doing here?" He rests his forehead against mine, his blue eyes flaring. "Why else would I be here, sweetheart?"

I swallow and smile up at him wobbly. "I'm okay, Finley. It was nothing. Really."