Eternal Longing ✓

62. Epilogue

EPILOGUE (9 Years Later)

JAYA

This child will be the death of me.

"The monster is actually the good guy, mommy!" He jumps up and down, inadvertently shoving his dinner-which took me way too long to prepare, by the way-on the floor.

"Carson, eat your food, please."

"Look! Look! The monster is green now, mommy! And that means that I can now play-"

I hold his sister against my chest and stretch to snatch his iPad from him. "Eat your food and stop staring at this screen, Carson."

"Buuuut, momma!"

"No buts." I settle Arienna back on my lap, smiling softly at her as she watches me with widened eyes. "I've told you time and time again, no staring at the screen when eating."

"But that's not fair!" he yells in the way four-year-olds do when they don't get their way. "Dad said that I can stare if it's . . . understoodable . . ."

"The word is understandable, baby." I scoop some more of the mushy food that Ari seems to love and watch as she excitedly opens her mouth. "And did your dad really say that?" I give him a look. The boy has a wild imagination. And a penchant for lying.

"Uh-uh." He nods repeatedly. "He told me when I asked him why he stares at you so much. He said that staring is okay if the reason why we stare is un...derstandable."

I try to keep a serious face, I really do, but my babies' daddy is something else entirely.

"He told you that?"

"Yes! So that means that I can stare at my iPad when I eat because the game is so good so it's understandable that I want to stare, right, momma?"

"No, baby." I point at his food with my chin. "Eat up, Car. You still need to bathe and it's almost bedtime."

Defeated, he finally concentrates on his food, grumbling under his breath about how beautiful the monster is and how unfair that his dad gets to stare at me but he doesn't get to stare at his iPad.

Then he grumbles about the fact that he wishes his dad was here, and even though not being the favorite parent is annoying, I can't help but agree with the little menace.

Fin has a work dinner with a potential partner tonight so couldn't join us, which means that I've had to juggle dinner, Arienna's frosty moods, and Carson's monologues all by myself.

Fin being Fin, he's better at this whole parenting thing than I am. It comes almost naturally to him like he was born to be a little talkative boy's father and like he took a class on Arienna's cries and now can decipher exactly what she needs when she needs it.

Even after almost five years of being a mother, I struggle. Sure, there are those maternal sensibilities that connect me in a different way to my children, but I do not have the suave that he does.

In the beginning, I used to have breakdowns, feeling so overwhelmed and incompetent that I'd grow a bit hysterical. Easily as he does everything, Fin would gently bring me back from the deep end. He'd listen to my fears and somehow find the perfect words that would soothe my insecurities.

We've been married for almost ten years now, and despite the shaky beginning of our marriage, and the fact that we were young and immature in some ways, our love has grown in ways that I never imagined it could.

I don't only love him more now, but I also love him better.

After almost grumbling his way through dinner, when we hear the front door open, my son's eyes snap up and his eyes widen.