Eternal Longing ✓

27. Heartbreak On A Tuesday

JAYA

I sway from left to right, getting lost in the melody of the song.

"You're supposed to keep your eyes open and on the pot, sweetheart," Finley murmurs behind me, taking control of my wrist and moving the spatula I neglected.

I ignore him, too invested in the gut-wrenching reality of the song to care about whatever he's saying right now.

"Somebody stop us now, before we say our vooows," I belt out dramatically along to Giveon's perfect baritone voice.

Finley uses my hand with the spatula in it to turn the sauce on the stove, probably shaking his head at my inability to concentrate on cooking his sister's infamous sauce even after three days of him trying to teach me.

"You're the worst multitasker on the planet," he grumbles behind me when I keep moving to the song. "You were doing so good, too. You almost didn't burn it this time."

"Just keep your white gown in the closeeet. And this black tuxedo that I never get to weaaar!" I smile through my singing when I hear him grumbling some more.

The thing is, I am a bad multitasker. It's not that I don't like cooking, it's that I need to listen to music while I cook. And if I listen to music, there are some songs that I have to sing along to.

Therein lies the problem.

"This song is even quite depressing."

I roll my eyes at him and take control of the spatula as the song comes to a close. "Yeah, that's the point. This is the Heartbreak On A Tuesday playlist. Basically all depressing ass songs."

He doesn't move away from behind me but his hands settle on my stomach, both our eyes on the bubbling sauce. "I still don't fully understand the point of a heartbreak playlist."

I laugh at his confusion and think about how to explain it best. "It's like, why do we watch horror movies? To get scared, right? Okay, but why would we want to be scared? It's not a pleasant emotion."

"When we feel afraid, we release endorphins and dopamine as a result of the rush of adrenaline."

"Okay. Fine. That science shit is true. But also, because we're emotional beings and just want to experience what it would feel like to be there. To be in a haunted house and have the demons scaring the hell out of us."

His hands on my stomach caress me softly. "So, in your logic, you listen to heartbreak music because you want to experience what it feels like to be in the trenches of a heartbreak?"

"Yeah. To feel the pain, the anger, the longing." I swallow and resume stirring. "All without actually experiencing the heartbreak."

"Interesting," is all he responds with.

I shrug with a smile, wondering how weird he's probably thinking I am. "You're regretting inviting me over for dinner, aren't you?"

I'm obviously joking but he must not catch that because he buries his face in the crook of my neck and shakes his head.

"No. It's better when you're here."

I try to laugh his words off, but their sincerity weighs on my chest. He said something similar the night I witnessed his nightmare.

You make it stop, he'd told me. And when I'd asked what it is that I make stop, he'd responded with, the apathy.

I'm still unsure of what he meant, but I haven't dared to ask. It's been a lowkey, yet glorious week since our moment backstage in Room 203. Hot and heavy, for sure, but still lowkey.