Insanely in love with you

The past is the past

Juuzou's POV
(At the hospital)

Shinohara's gone.

I should have seen that coming.

Like mama said,
I boy like me will never be able to live a happy life
I am bound to kill and hurt people,
I am bound to live a life full of sadness and rage.

But I still have y/n,
The day she leaves will be the day I believe mamas words.

I've never felt this pressure,
It's like a constant bugging in my head.

My heart keeps beating,
And my lungs are working,
My brain is thinking,
But it feels like I'm dead.

I wonder why I care so much about Shinohara,
I've never had a father,
However,
I've like to think he was my dad,
After all he did save me.

I walk as fast as I can to Shinohara's room,
Maybe by the time I get there he'll be awake.

I try to think this everyday but everyday checks another day that he's still asleep, that's he's still basically dead.

On my ways to Shinohara's room a see a lady standing outside of it. She comes up to me in tears.

??: are you Juuzou suzuya?
She says while sobbing.

I look down and nod.

Mrs.Shinohara: I'm Yukinori's wife.

My eyes widened from her words, I didn't know Shinohara had a wife.

Mrs.Shinohara: I know this must be hard for you, but I wanted to let you know, Yukinori loved you, he loved you so much, as if you were his son. I wish if I could get to know you mr.Suzuya, of course you don't have to answer right away. I'm sorry for your loss.

Liquid starts streaming down my eyes, my knees give in and I start crying. I suddenly feel arms wrap around me, hesitant at first, but I was too weak to push them away, maybe in the end I did want someone to hold me.

Now I know,
Atleast one person loved me.

A few minutes later

I walk into Shinohara's room and I start talking to him.

Me: So I met your wife..
She's a nice lady.
She told me you love me.
Is that true?
I miss you.

I told him about my day.
We talked,
Or atleast I talked,
But I hoped that he was listening.

Mr.Shinohara is truly amazing,
I hope he wakes up soon.

But when he wakes up,
I promise to be a better person.
I promise to change into someone worthy of being called his son.  

Dwelling on the past

Mama was always mean to me,
I didn't realize that it was mean until i was saved by mr.Shinohara.

Y/n knew that she was mean, she told me but I never listened.

Y/n-Chan doesn't remember her past well,
But I do.

It all comes back as if it's happening right.

The pain I felt from my throat burning,
Realizing it was because of my screams.

Mama cutting into my skin,
Deeper
And
Deeper.

Hearing y/n's voice was the only thing that seemed to calm me down. 

Holding y/n in my arms right after she got her good girl points.

Comforting y/n after the first time she had to take a life, telling her about my first time.

These are things I will never forget.

What has scared me the most is y/n's awful screams that made my heart drop,
But her screams also made my heart race from excitement. 

I could never stand to see her hurt,
But somehow she could stand it more than me by the time she was there for less than a year.

She cried and laughed and made me laugh.

I'll never forget the times she's made mama hurt her instead of me,
That's how she got a scar on her back.

I lived with her,
But now we are living differently.

I shouldn't forget about the past,
But I shouldn't be hold back by it.

The past should stay in the past,
As I move forward into the future.

So this is a pretty short chapter a hope you don't mind<3