Insanely in love with you

Visiting a hell that used to be my home

Me: im going out.

Rei: ooo can I come?

I left without responding to his question. My heart wants to be alone right now.  I don't think my body can handle this emptiness.  

How could Juuzou actually love me.  As a matter of fact how could anyone love me.

I've killed too many people too count, and I couldn't care less about them.   My mind is filled with emotions however my heart is empty.  My soul is dead and has been for a while ago. 

I pay attention to humans actions and try to copy them.   I see their emotions, I'm intrigued by their feelings however I do not care. 

I do not know what love truly is and yet I say I'm in love with suzuya.   Perhaps I am, I haven't left him however that won't last long.  

The day will come when he will leave.  I know that day will hurt so perhaps I'll leave first.  I'll detach him from me and cut the string that bonds us together. 

I hear fast footsteps behind me.

Rei: you never answered my question y/n-Chan are you okay?

Me: I need to be alone suzuya I'll come back later.

Rei: hey did I do so-

Me: please leave me be

I walk away leaving the black haired boy wondering if he truly had done something.  However I can confirm he didn't.  

There's one place I need to visite.  One place that truly terrified me.  One place that I had wished to never see again.

The dungeons where mama used to keep me and Rei.  

I get on my motorcycle and speed down the bumpy road trying to get there as fast as possible.  I bring a flashlight, lighter and some water with a few snacks plus my weapons.

I get to the outside.  The dungeons was underground, under the less used scrappers place.  Mama would sometimes host the events herself.  

I opened the door and walked in viewing everything around me.  I'm on guard and nothing can jump scare me.  As far as I know this place isn't abandoned. 

I got to the elevator, then I press the button to go to the dungeon.   This elevator ride was the slowest thing ever. 

The atmosphere was a scold as I remember.  It gives me shivers just the thought of it.  

Once the doors opened I closed my eyes and stepped out.  My lungs started losing the oxygen and it felt like blood wasn't flowing up to my head causing me to feel lightheaded.  At moments like these being in Juuzou's arms made me feel at peace.

I opened my eyes and saw the row of cells on each side just like before.  There was a lamp that would be light with a match or lighter beside each candle barely giving enough light. 

I started walking to the cell that used to be mine,  Reis cell was right scrips from mine. 

What am I thinking of course I love rei.  But how could he love me.   My chest feels tight... and i can't stop thinking about him.

I look around, I look in the cell but there was nothing there.  I look in reis cells and I find a knife.  I take it maybe it was reis.