Insanely in love with you

Good day at work that is until

Me: ahhh this is so boring jeez

Juuzou: yea well after yesterday we gotta do something or else we gonna get in troubleeee

Me: i knowww hey have you seen arima?

Juuzou: y/n-Chan I've been with you all day

Me: oh right. Thank you for yesterday it really helped me

Juuzou: it helped me too so thank you

Arima: suzuya have you- oh y/n I was looking for you come with me

Me: oh me too hahah

Juuzou: see ya later

I follow arima out

Me: what's up?

Arima: we needa start training and where were you yesterday?

Me: uhhhh I was at uhm

Arima: old scrappers place?

Me: how did ya-

Arima: because there were witnesses, they also took a picture. I looked at suzuya's file and saw what he looked like once Shinohara took him

Me: so? We were doing our job what's the problem?

Arima: you broke into a place, didn't tell the CCG you were leaving, left work and probably tortured the ghoul which isn't always allowed.

Me: we didn't torture him we just killed him in the arena I swear.

*stares at me*

Me: the only torturing we did was slice his belly open hehe

Arima: look just be careful I don't want you getting hurt.

Me: is it because you're my "big brother"

Arima: y/n..

Me: look I want to get to know you I'm not just going to say you're my big brother right away this is all to new and-

Arima: I'm going to die soon.

Pure silence filled the empty hallway.

Me: huh?

Arima: I found kaneki... I love that kid

Me: HUH?

Arima: he's like a son to me

Me: oh so? Why do you say you're going to-

Arima: beca-

Me: I told ya to stop interrupting me jeez

Arima: okay, the reason is because if I die... it'll end the war in between humans and ghouls

Me: you really think so?

Arima: it'll atleast make a better future for everyone.

Me: why can't we just stay as is and you can die from old age?

Arima: remember what you've gone through? What Juuzou has gone through? If I don't die another me will be born, they might not do the same as me and sacrifice their life when needed. Kaneki has taught me that. So many more kids will go through what you went through.

My eyes kind of water up listening to his words.

Me: I get it.

Arima: kaneki has lived the life as a human and a ghoul and the life of a ghoul in a humans world. I want you to have a happier future. A life free of pain.

Me: arima...

Arima: don't cry y/n you're okay, and you're going to be just great.

Me: I've tried to end my life many times, this world is endlessly cruel, all the things one has to experience in order to survive. There really is no such thing as happiness. There will only every be unfairness no matter what. No matter what I do I find myself finding in the same hole. Everything I love will leave, wether it's their choice or not, that's just the way this world is. I won't cry, I've already lost so much. And everything I gain will be ripped apart from me in the end.

Arima: ...Y/-

Me: we should hang out soon! Before you decide to kill yourself

I say with a smile then I walked back to the room where I was with Juuzou I lay my head down on his lap.

Juuzou: you're red were you crying?

Me: this world really is cruel. *sharp exhale*

I close my eyes, letting them rest. The thoughts in my head are walking around, like a crowd on a busy road crossing the street.

It feels so weird when I'm saying something mature. When I'm saying something real.

If I end my life, that'll be a lot more peaceful than this world.

Juuzou: why do you want to die y/n-Chan?

My eyes snap open But then they relax once I start thinking about his question.

Me: we live but what makes living so wonderful? Why do we live and for what? Or should I say for who? Why should I stay on this earth if I can't do what I desire? What's the value behind life and why is it so unfair?

Juuzou stays quiet reflecting upon my words. I close my eyes trying to find the answers to my own questions.

Haise: hey guys

Juuzou: hey oh haise i was actually looking for you here *gives money*

Haise: whats that for?

Juuzou: nothing important I'll tell you one day

Haise: no no i cant-

Juuzou: oh come on it's barely any money anyways.

Haise: okayyy thank you so much Juuzou, i have to go but say hi to y/n for me once she wakes up.

Juuzou: will do! Bye

Haise walks out.

Me: whats that about... wait is it because-

Juuzou: i was just giving him back what I stole all those years ago

Me: oh that was the first time I saw you

Juuzou: really?

Me: yep i was in the blossom park and you guys were in front of me i didn't even know it was you until later on.  But I did recognize kaneki

Juuzou: ohhhh also why did you pretend to fall asleep?

Me: i didn't feel like talking. *closes eyes again*

Juuzou: got it

Me: but i love talking to you

Juuzou: *giggles* luv u *strokes my head*

Me: i luv uu

I hope my next life will atleast have Juuzou in it.

He's the only thing worth living for.

He's why I try to fight my head.

I love him more than myself.

No matter how wrong that is.