Diary of a Villainess

He is making me dizzy

So this was the beginning of a spiral into madness many, many years ago. I probably shouldn't complain. I'm simply paying the price for all the fun that I had. It's what I deserve. Still it feels unfair! The outcome was clear the day I was born. And I am still waiting, waiting for him to come back and save me. This never ending fight against fate... I lost it 1300 years ago. Or so it seems. But both, him and me are not dead yet and as long as we aren't, the battle continues.

As we come back to the demon lord's territory everyone bows. Not only for him but for me as well. I found it. Finally I found the place where I have freedom. When I first came here I was afraid that he would lock me in a cage and that I will be restricted however that isn't the case at all. I can do whatever I want as long as it doesn't go against Dorian Hakai. He formally invites or rather orders me to have a meal with him. As we're holding our feast I debate wether or not to already ask the demon king about his support. He makes the decision for me: "What's on your mind, Roxanne? Your gaze is too serious." I take a sip of wine and finally answer: "My lord pays attention to details, I see. You were curious about my relationship with Miya, right? In fact, we made a contract." He raises an eyebrow in interest. "The supreme killer had a wish. In return for her, showing me how to handle my magical abilities as well as the fact that she had truly saved me before, I will support her. She wants to overthrow your sister, destroy the barrier and take her place as the queen of assasins." I feel my body tense up as the demon king suddenly starts laughing whole heartedly. He is either amused or mad angry. I can't tell. He replies: "Bold of you to tell me this despite knowing she's my sister. Why are you so sure I won't use that information against you?" I raise my head in confidence. "First of all, my mother did the same thing to Evia but you didn't care, secondly you didn't tell her about my blood relation to Sierra either and thirdly" I take a deep breath. "You've said before that you like me." Suddenly he is right in front of me, grabbing my jaw lightly with his hand. I feel threatened by his sharp nails. "Then, what about you, Lady Helion? Do you like me as well?" I didn't expect that question. He caught me off guard. I find a way to respond anyway: "I truly am thankful for the oppurtunities your majesty has given me. I value you as my king." He doesn't seem satisfied as he still won't let go of my jaw. "Do you see me as your king? Or am I something else to you?" I'm not sure of what he wants to hear from me. Is he teasing again? Besides, I don't have the answer to that question myself so I stay silent. He lets go with a chuckle. "You're easy to shake sweetheart. I know you're not lying to me so I will make sure to give you back up just in case. As you have guessed, I will not stand in your way of fullfilling your contract." I finish my meal and disappear into my chamber. Why do I feel so dizzy? My cheeks are dead red right now. Of course this was a success so I should be happy but why do I feel confused? What is he to me? A few weeks ago the answer was very clear. He was my path to freedom and a tool to use. Right now however it seems more like he is the predator and I'm the prey. Also the fact that I couldn't just lie to him because his red eyes keep hypnotising me again and again. Why can't they get out of my head? And why do I care about what he thinks of me? I didn't read the diary for months now as I wanted to achieve those stepping stones myself but right now it surely is tempting. I finally give in to the temptation and read a bit. "I have seen Miya today and asked her about my sudden heart poundings at certain times. Her answer was honestly making me mad. Does she think I am a human or what? She told me that I..." I close the book this instant. Let's forget this feeling completely. I don't want to know what Miya's answer is. In fact I already do but I just don't want it to be true.