The Best Night of Our Lives (Solby)

Chapter 9

Colby's POV

Sam tries to go upstairs, but I step in front of him, blocking his way. "Move, Colby," he says.

"No," I say.

Sam won't even look at me, and it breaks my heart. "Sam, look at me," I say. He refuses to look at me and goes into the long hallway leading to the front door. He stops in the large space between the door and the living room.

"I'm sorry," I say.

He still won't look at me.

I walk over to him, stepping in front of him yet again. "Sam, look at me. Please," I plead.

I put my hands on his face, wiping away the tears that are running down his cheeks. I can feel tears in my eyes again. This is all my fault. I pushed him away, and now I might lose him for good.

Sam wipes the tears away from his face and turns to go upstairs. "Why are you so afraid of me?" I ask.

Sam stops and finally looks at me. "I'm not afraid of you."

"Yes, you are," I say. "I'm too much for you to deal with, and that's why you run away from me." I pause, catching my breath. "I heard you guys talking about me. I don't know why you guys can't just say things to my face."

"You're sick, Colby," Sam says, his beautiful blue eyes looking directly into mine.

I stand here in shock, not knowing what to say at first. "What?" I say.

"You have mental illnesses that make you act the way you do. I'm not saying this to make you feel like a bad person. I'm saying it because it's the truth. We have a lot of factors that we have to consider when it comes to our careers, and your mental health is one of those. It affects our ability to make content. It affects the fans because they see you going through something, but they don't know what it is. And, most importantly, it affects the people around you."

Sam looks at me, waiting for me to speak, but I can't. For the first time in a long time, years even, I'm speechless.

"When you heard us talking earlier, we were only worried about you," Sam continues. "It's not just about us not being able to do the movie for our return to the witches forest. It's about our lives in general and how they're being affected by what's going on with you."

I still can't speak. Tears well up in my eyes again. I look at Sam, and then I go into the living room. I walk over to the couch, sit down, and put my face in my hands.

A few seconds later, I feel someone sit next to me on the couch. I look up at the guy I've been in love with since the day I met him.

"What's going on with you, Colby?" Sam asks.

"You don't get it, Sam," I say.

"You're right. I don't."

I sigh and turn to face Sam. "Sam, I've always liked you. I know we've talked about this before, but I don't think you understand everything. For years, I never told anyone about my feelings for you. Then, when we become famous, the fans started to notice how I look at you. They noticed that I was staring at you the way you stare at someone you love. Looking back, the guys definitely knew how I felt, even though we all made jokes about Solby. Even Devyn, Tara, and Kat knew."

A tear runs down my cheek. "We've been friends for years, Sam. Before we started dating, I was so happy and grateful to have you as my best friend, but at the same time, I never felt lonelier in my whole life. It felt like I wanted something I couldn't have. That's what made me sad. Then Kat came into the picture, and I felt like I was being replaced. As a friend and as someone who loves you."

Sam looks at me in a way that I can't describe. It's almost like he's exhausted from hearing the same old story over and over again. But what he doesn't realize is that I'm giving him a more in depth look at why I feel the way I do when it comes to our relationship.

"Colby, I don't know how else I can get through to you. I love being with you, but this is becoming too much for me to handle," Sam says.

"What is?" I ask.

"Your self-deprecating behavior," Sam answers instantaneously. "The way you constantly put yourself down isn't something I'm capable of dealing with."

I don't say anything, and Sam takes this as his cue to leave. He gets off the couch and so do I. I follow him out of the living room and into the hallway.

"You know that's not what this is about," I say.

Sam stops walking and turns around to face me. "What's it about then?"

"It's about you running away from your feelings for me," I answer. "When we first started dating, you admitted to me that you had always felt the same way about me as I did about you. But you never talk about it. And you think it's your fault that I tried to kill myself several months ago."

Sam doesn't speak because he knows what I'm saying is true.

"I almost lost you, Sam. The accident changed everything. It made us confess our feelings for each other. I became more sad and depressed because I felt like I should've told you sooner. Plus, I really do feel like I'm not good enough for you."

"Why?" Sam asks.

"Because every girl you've ever been with was perfect, especially Kat. She's the complete opposite of me. I love her like a sister, but every time I saw you and her together, it made think about how good she was for you."

"That's why I love you, Colby," Sam says, catching me completely off guard. "You're not like anyone I've ever dated. You know everything about me, and you never let me get away with anything. I still don't get why you put yourself down all the time."

"I can't help it, Sam," I say tiredly. I step closer to him. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'm afraid of losing you for good this time. I almost lost you because of the accident, and I don't want you to be taken away from me."

I pause, staring into Sam's eyes. I can tell by the look on his face that he's captivated by mine.

"And I know you feel the same way about my suicide attempt. I want you to know that what happened wasn't your fault or anyone else's. I was going through a dark time, and I didn't know what to do. I felt like no one would understand, and I truly believed everyone would be better off without me. I guess I just couldn't believe that someone like you would fall in love with someone like me. Sometimes I still can't believe it."

Sam finally realizes what I'm talking about. It's not about how sad I was when it came to our relationship. It's about what he did unintentionally.

"I wasn't trying to replace you with Kat," Sam says.

"Well, you kind of did," I say. "I know you weren't trying to do it on purpose, but it still happened. You made me feel left out."

Sam looks at me worriedly, like he knows what I'm going say next.

"Sam, you broke my heart. You hurt me in the worst way possible. But I still love you. And I want us to be together."

"I'm sorry, Colby," Sam says.

"I'm sorry, too, Sam," I say.

"For what?"

I look at Sam intently. "For everything. I put you through so much. But it's only because I love you. And the way I look at you, just like the fans have always pointed out. I want you to look at me the same way, too. I want you to stop hiding from me and show me how much you love me."

Sam looks at me. "I love you, Colby. And it scares me."

I cock my head. "Why?"

"You wouldn't understand," Sam says, looking away from me.

I take his hands in mine. "Sam, you can tell me anything."

He looks at me nervously. I'm nervous, too. I think he can tell because he finally looks at me.

And this time, he doesn't turn away.