The Best Night of Our Lives (Solby)

Chapter 27

Colby's POV

As I took Sam's hand in mine, I can feel the energy shift in the room. It's obvious that there's tension between all of us, mainly because the guys and I remember everything from the time period that involved me going through a mental breakdown and attempting suicide. But there's one moment in particular that begins to play out in mind: the night we all sat down and watched my video, the one where I told our fans everything.

It was almost 8:00 PM when Sam and I sat down on the couch, ready to watch the video I'd uploaded to my solo channel a few minutes ago. Jake, Corey, Elton, and Aaron were all in the living room with us, waiting for me to press play on the remote. I stared at the screen, the thumbnail of my tear-stained face and Sam's comforting gaze staring back at me.

Why I Left YouTube, read the title of the video. It already had fifty views, and the like-to-dislike ratio was 102k to 0. There were also links to several mental health organizations in the description as well as the suicide hotline. My heart began to pound, and my hands started to shake.

"Okay," I said. "Here goes nothing."

I pressed play, and the video started.

"Hey, guys," I said to the camera, my voice tired and drained. I tried to smile, only for my eyes to fill with tears. I managed to hold them back and stared back into the camera. "Today's video is going to be very different than what you guys are used to. Just so you guys know, I'm going to be explaining why I left YouTube a while ago. I know I left on short notice, and I came back to my channel and the Sam and Colby channel without giving you guys an explanation of what happened. So that's the purpose for this video."

I wiped a tear away from my cheek and pulled the sleeves of my hoodie down further. Then I adjusted beanie on my head. "Also, I tried filming this video by myself. But then I realized that I couldn't do it on my own."

More tears stream down my face. "So Sam will be with me for the rest of this video. I just want you guys to know that I love you all so much. And thank you for supporting me."

I wiped the tears away. "Yeah. Let's get into the video."

The screen goes black, and a message appears. Trigger Warning: Mental illness, self-harm, eating disorders, and suicide.

Sam cuddled closer to me, and I wrapped my arms around him. This was our most difficult video to film, but it was worth it.

Sam and I appeared on the screen as we sat on the couch in our living room. Sam's yellow T-shirt shone bright while my black hoodie darkened the mood. We looked at the camera, our faces looking sad and distressed.

"Hey, guys," I said. "It's Colby Brock, and welcome back to my channel. As you guys can see, I have Sam here with me."

I grabbed Sam's hand and held it in mine. "Hey, guys," Sam said. "We decided to do this video together because a lot of you have been asking about where Colby has been for the past few months. We haven't posted on the main channel in a while. But by the time you guys see this, we will already have a video up there, telling you guys how much we miss you and are glad to be back filming more content for you guys."

"We have to tell you guys about what happened. So let's just get into it," I said.

The camera cut to another shot of Sam and I sitting on the couch together. "Okay. So I guess I'll start from the beginning," I say. "Not too long after I started my solo channel, I noticed that you guys had been saying stuff like, we noticed that you've been sad in a lot of videos lately. We know something's wrong. Tell us what's going on."

I sighed and looked sadly into the camera. "As most of you guys probably remember, I'd made a video titled Need to get this off my chest. In that video, I reassured you guys that I was fine and that I was going to try to stay positive and happy for you guys. But what you didn't know was that I was far from happy."

Another cut.

"I haven't talked about this before. But for the past few years, I've been struggling with depression and anxiety. And I don't want to go into too much detail, but I do have a history of self-harm and eating disorders, particularly anorexia and bulimia."

Another cut.

"The past few months have been very difficult because two days after I posted my last video on this channel, I tried to take my own life."

I paused and took a deep breath. "Everything became too much for me to handle." My eyes filled with tears. "I felt so unwanted and ashamed, and I thought everyone would better off without me. So I tried to kill myself."

I broke down in tears, and Sam gave me a hug. Another cut.

"I didn't find this out until later. But Sam found me in the bathroom and told Elton to call 911. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be alive today."

Sam and I kissed, and I laughed. "After I was medically cleared, I was put on an involuntary psychiatric hold where they had to evaluate me and determine if I was either a danger to myself, others, or both. Once it was determined that I was in fact a danger to myself, Elton had arranged for me to get treatment at a long term treatment facility here in L.A."

"You weren't happy with us at all," Sam chimed in. "When we sat with Colby in his hospital room, and we told him he was going to have to get help, he wouldn't speak to any of us."

I nodded. "Yeah. I felt betrayed because I didn't think you guys would send me away. I realize now that I needed help, and I had to go away in order to get treatment. But at the time, I felt alone."

I paused again, wiping my tears away. "I got discharged from the hospital a few days later. Then, a few more days after that, I went to a psychiatric hospital and stayed there for three months. It was scary and difficult, but I had Sam to help me get through it."

I took Sam's hand and smiled at him. He smiled back at me. "We made sure to visit you as much as we could because we knew you were having a hard time, and we wanted you to know that we were going to be there for you and help you get better."

"And you guys did,"  I said, laughing again. I looked at the camera once more. "I'm sorry if this video made you guys sad or worried. But I'm better now. I have a lot of good people around me, and I hope you guys watch this video and take something important away from it. If you or anyone you know is struggling with mental illness or anything like that, please don't be afraid to get help. I want you guys to know that you're not alone. And you can get help."

I looked at Sam, signaling to him that he could finish the video. "We're sorry we haven't been filming together the past few months. But that's about to change. We're so glad to be back, and we hope that you guys will continue on this journey with us."

"Comment down below if you guys have anything you want to say to us. Leave a like. I would say I'll see you guys next week with another video, but I'm still getting the hang of things. So I'll see you guys whenever I can get another video up for you."

I held up two fingers, making a piece sign. "Peace." I blew a kiss to the camera and placed my palm on the lense. The video ended, and the room was dead silent. Jake, Corey, Elton, and Aaron looked at Sam and me, not knowing what to say. I didn't know what to say either, and neither did Sam.

One thing was for sure, Sam and I were closer than ever. Just like we are now.

As I come out of the memory, I stare at the sage on the table. I'd noticed it when the witch saged me more than she did for anyone else. I've been trying my best to appear like I'm okay. And I am. But then again, there's still a part of me that is sad.

I squeeze Sam's hand, letting him know I want him to move closer to me, which he does. I smile, momentarily forgetting all the horrible stuff that happened the past few months. Something is definitely wrong with me. But Sam always makes me forget about it.

After all, we're soulmates.

Hey, guys. Here's another chapter from this story. I know I haven't been updating. Life has been busy, but I told you guys I wasn't going to give up on the Solby stories. So be prepared for anything to happen. As always, thanks for reading. Bye!