michael knocked on ashton's door and we heard a chirpy "come in."
"i've got to go round on patients, but be honest with ash. it's his literal job to listen and help." michael smiled lightly as he walked off.
i slowly opened the door and walked inside.
"hello bella!" ashton smiled.
"hey ash." i smiled softly.
"please sit." he directed as he sat down across from me.
i sat down and just stared at him writing.
"so, i want to start off by you telling me what it was like growing up before you started cutting." ashton spoke.
"um, growing up was nice until i was about 8 years old. that's when my parents started to fight a lot. it would never end. i remember trying to sleep one night and hearing a crash, which ended up being a pan flying at my mom's head." i spoke softly as i stared down at my hands.
"was your father abusive?" ashton asked slowly.
"mostly with my mom. he very rarely got physical with me. when i was 10 years old i was standing up for my mom while my dad was beating her senselessly. those were the only times i was ever hit by my dad." i finished with tears in my eyes.
"i'm so sorry bella. that must've been so hard." ashton spoke with sympathy.
"they got a divorce a couple weeks after my 10th birthday. at first, i was more than happy with that because the fighting was over, but things just got worse." i paused and looked up at him. "you can't tell my mom i'm telling you this. i told her i wouldn't tell a soul, but it's been weighing on me. so can i tell you?" i asked.
"these sessions are for you bella. i'm not legally required to tell your mom anything you say about her unless it has to do with neglect or abuse." ashton spoke quickly.
"never mind then." i quickly replied.
"okay no, let's go back to that. i won't tell anyone as long as it's better now, but keep in mind there is a very thin line here right now and if your mother crossed it at one point i am required by the law to talk to her if it's safe and if it's not law enforcement." ashton finished.
"i'll keep it vague." i mumbled.
ashton nodded and wrote some more stuff down on the paper.
"my mom began drinking and using anything she could get her hands on after the divorce. it was a nightmare for 10 year old me because not only did my dad disappear, but my mom was too. at first, i would just end up at home alone til 3 am in the morning and would wake up and she would be passed out. by the time i came back from school she was gone again. no one even noticed." i whispered as i played with my sleeves.
ashton stayed silent for a minute before speaking up, "i'm so sorry bella. i don't even know what to say other than you are so strong. i'm sorry for asking this, but it is required by the law, did anything ever get physical between your mom and you?"
"i-i haven't told anyone this. are you sure you want to know?" i asked. "it's really bad. these were the bad times in my life."
"i'm here to listen to as much as you feel comfortable telling bella." ashton replied.
"i-i was never physically abused by my mom, but by other people. on my 12th birthday, my mom didn't drink until the night and invited a friend of hers over. h-he came into m-my room that n-night and did some not okay t-things." i spoke as tears dripped down my cheeks. "two things changed that night, how i viewed my mom and how i coped with my emotions. to this day i still don't know if she knows what that man did to me."
i looked up at ashton and saw a look of sympathy on his face.
"i'm sorry to do this, but i'm going to need to report this to your mom and maybe even law enforcement. at the minimum, i have to tell your mom because it's the law and i could lose my license if i don't." ashton spoke softly.
"can i come but just stay at the door and listen, her answer will be different if i'm not there." i replied.
"let's go." ashton spoke as he stood up.
