It's Raining It's Pouring, I Know I'll Never Be The King

The Storm Within

        If you guys haven't been able to tell from all of the angst I write, then I apologize for the skippy updates because my mental health has decided to spiral downwards as of late
      This is an apology and a warning because it might happen again, or there might be like 8 super depressing chapters posted within like 5/7 days of the week. I hope to return to my regular schedule in a few days or so.

       This is a short 1shot about how one of my panic attacks feels like and the people around me. I don't have them around people often but I imagine this is how they would react( I also just try to not let myself get overwhelmed but that might be why I'm pretty much numb now... I haven't cried posting ANY of these chapters)

Thinking/Mental/ In the Head-and-or-Thoughts

"yeah no so like I was thinking that..." Sero started. Sound became a blur for Denki ask he sucked in a breath and grasped one last time at reality. suddenly it was dark and it felt like he was underwater. but not like the endless ocean, more like a glass box, slowly filling with water, no drain below, no way out above and there was a chain around his ankle.

   Where am I? what's going on? why can't I breathe or see?! I was just in the commons! where is everyone? Help!

    "oh come on sero that's so unrealistic! I mean what do you guys think?"

   Was that Mina? "Mina! can you hear me?!"

"what about you Kami- Kami?" 

   She sounds upset, what's wrong? can they not find me? what were we talking about? why can't I remember? why is it dark, and what is that thumping?! Why is the water rising so fast?!

  On the outside, he was almost numb. His face was pale and tears bubbled in his eyes. His hands were shaking and up in his hair, pulling at the golden strands taught and roughly. In is mind his tears flooded his cage, and the darkness was from blocking out the world. His head was a mess and it hurt as he pulled at his hair, muffled voices filled his ears but all he could hear was his heart in his throat. 

  "Shit he's having a panic attack!" Bakugou exclaimed. "you fucking nerd get over here!" he then called out for Midoriya, frowning when he saw how Denki flinched and closed in on himself from the yelling. "fucking shit!" came the stutter of his breath.

   "Is every- oh," Midoriya walked over beginning to ask what was wrong before he realized it, quickly walking over Midoriya pushed everyone out of the way removing food and other items as well.

    " Denki,"

   "W-who?"

"It's me Midoriya, can you hear me?"

Midoriya? why does he wanna know if I can hear him? What's going on? 

   "mhm"

   "Okay good, can I touch you? I'm just going to touch your hands."

  "oooo-o-okay~" he muttered out between shaken breaths. 

   It's just my hands, maybe he can tell me what's wrong, jeez why is this so scary? where even am I? Thunder sounded in his ears in a pattern like a rhythm, one before the other in intervals. 

   "I've got you, can you answer a few questions for me?" Midoriya brought Denki's hands away from his scalp, his fingers twitching and a tear fell down his face but otherwise, there were no words. 

   "Do you know where you are?"

   "yeah, the commons, I think,"

   "That's right, do you know who you're with?"

   "um, like Sero and Kiri and Bakugou, Mina and y-you?"

   "Right again Kaminari-Kun. Iida and Todoroki-Kun are here too if that's okay with you,"

   "I don't mind," came a wet chuckle, Kami was coming out of it; the water in his head somehow began to drain as he shed a few tears and began to breathe normally again.

   "Uraraka-san went to go get help from Aizawa-Sensei,'

   Suddenly Denki was brought back from his panic attack with more panic, but he had no time to reset into a full panic without him thinking and overthinking. (wow tongue twister whoops)

   "What? why? what even happened?!"

  "You were having a panic attack Kaminari-Kun, do you have them often."

   "I'm not really sure, I don't think so. maybe when I space out? but it has never been like that before, just dark 'nd stuff? I space out and get scared a lot, but I thought that was just my quirk.

   " Oh Hunny no, everyone's quirk does some damage but other things make you have panic attacks, have you been able to sleep at all lately? Anxious about anything?"

   "I've never been able to sleep well in my life, props of having a quirk related to an energy source, and I mean yeah, nervous about tests and training and stuff, This is high school so the learning and the confusion and feelings for people or whatever always get involved. but is it wrong to be a little scared when the future for heroes always seems so bleak? Half of the time when I do remember having a panic attack or whatever; I'm in my room and can just sleep most of it off."

   "So don't worry about me too much, worry about the people I have to save because ill never be the right type of hero when I can't be one for myself." Denki dragged Midoriya's hands off of his shoulders and stood up from the table bench.  With a quick glance around, he scooped up his satchel and walked out of the commons (cafeteria) in a rush.