My Dear Sweet Murder-A Murder Most Unladylike Fanfic

James

I strutted in to the restroom, confidently, bravely and heroically. Before I could keep my act, a horrible sensation came over me. I looked down at my pants and my eyes widened in horror. "No, no, no no no, not in the middle of my model walk," I hissed to no one in particular. I made a dash for it and passed the doors to the bathroom and the fastest pace I could manage, which was a speedy hobble.

  Hazel was at the sink, studying herself in the mirror. She saw me in the mirror and before she could say anything, I had already leaped into a cubicle and let the lower part of my body take control. I sighed in relief.

  "James...?"

  I rolled my eyes. Now was NOT a good time.

  "James, it's not you is it?"

  "No of course not, honey," I said in a high-pitched voice. I knew Hazel would know it was me. She wasn't dumb and I was laying it on pretty thick anyway.

  I heard her sigh in relief. My brows knitted together. Did she really fall for my terrible  impersonation of a no doubt, gorgeous woman?

  I finished my business and opened the door. Silence fell.

  It was Hazel who shrieked first, don't blame it on me.

  "I THOUGHT IT WASN'T YOU!" she screamed. 

  "I THOUGHT YOU WOULD'VE BEEN A BIT SMARTER AND ACTUALLY THOUGHT ABOUT THE VOICE, DETECTIVE WONG!"

  Oh, how I loved putting sarcastic tones into my speeches. Really made my day a whole lot better.

  "I THOUGHT YOU WERE IN LONDON!"

  "A lot of 'I thoughts'," I smirked.

  Hazel kept screaming what she thought at me while I let out a stream of curses and inappropriate words. Finally, after what seemed like eternity, she stopped. She stepped forward and...hugged me.

  "Woah," I said, stumbling back, as the force of her hug absolutely flattened me. "What was that for?"

  "I'm so glad you're on this case James," she smiled.

  "Yes, after all, what a better way to prove yourself," a third voice scoffed. We turned to see Daisy, with her usual scowl.

  "Of course, milady," I grinned.

  Daisy looked rather pleased to have being called that, I won't deny it. The pleasure that flashed on her face absolutely brightened up my day.

  "So," I continued. "What's the next step?"

  Both the girls' faces looked blank. "Oh!" exclaimed Hazel. "Oh yes umm...I don't know," she added meekly.

  We turned to Daisy once more. However, she looked nearly as blank as us. "How about, er, let's say we...uhhh... go back to...ooh, I know, that strange lady we saw, me and Hazel!"

  Hazel nodded. "You mean the pretty one? I've already met her." And without any hesitation, words began to fumble out of her mouth on their own accord. Daisy and I listened attentively. Once she was finished, I breathed out, while Daisy pumped her fist into the air.

  "Well, would you look at that Detectives!" she announced.

  "Yeah, yeah, Daisy Wells, leader of the Detective Society, has once again hit the jackpot," I muttered. I explained what Daisy's suspicions were about Amber, the lady, and the whole time I was talking to Hazel, I could feel Daisy's eyes trying to burn a hole in my head. It wasn't my fault Daisy had an extremely large ego. And a sensitive one that anyone could very easily break through.

  "Ahem," Daisy coughed, trying to bring the attention back to her. "As I was saying, we should go back. I mean, having cracked something had to happen eventually, and celebrating in the girls' bathroom is not very appropriate for professional detectives like us." I thought Daisy may have added emphasis on 'us', glancing at Hazel and gesturing to herself. Harrumph. How peculiar. Who cares.

And this is how we ended up.

  Minutes later, we (yes, including me, James Haulings, but that's not the point) were seated around an empty table we had managed to find in the kid's room. You heard it right, the kid's room. It was the only room available anyway. Toddlers and children around us were yelling and screaming their heads off, throwing toys at each other and trying to hit one another with foam swords. I loved those things.

  Another thing: Amber was with us. She fidgeted with her mini-handbag, that was a lovely shade of pastel purple, nervously in her tiny plastic chair that was obviously made for a baby between 8kg-10kg. The chair wobbled dangerously, however, it couldn't have looked more sturdier.

  Daisy was looking as though she might have reconsidered sitting in here. Parents, mainly mothers, crowded the gates that separated the children from the rest of the room, was snapping photos of their beloved angels sent from heaven, a gift from God, a granted wish that resulted in 'cute, adorable, golden rays of sunshine'. This, however, was not a gift for us. Not at all. Seeing no more than wailing, bald monkeys, I decided to shut my mouth for the first time in my life.

  Hazel was eyeing one of the kids who had fallen down and was now crying for its mother. The mother, a brunette woman who looked Hispanic, startled and came rushing into the psychotic, so-called, excuse of a 'safe play-space for all ages!' I stifled a smirk as I read those words from the floppy piece of cardboard, which introduced the rules and safety issues that everyone must follow within the play area. Also hence why we're here, anyone could've easily entered without getting told off that you were too old or too wrinkly or too young-well, you get the point.

  "So," interrupted Amber, clearing her throat in the process. "Anyone know why I'm here?"

  Daisy stared dead-straight at her. Her face expression was quite obvious. You should know why you're here.

  Her nervous grin faltered. "Anyone know clearly why I'm here?"