The Mind Of A Wolf

Chapter 15 : Grief

Rain's POV

I sighed as I walked around in the snowy forest alone, the wind blew my shaggy hair all over the place. Cole went to go report the news, so I just left after while. I shoved my hands into my pockets and thought to myself. Of course Blood Soul would have that as their crazy plan. What the hell did my pack do for them to die then? Why would Blood Soul go after a small pack that no one cares about? 

I frowned as I almost lost myself in shadows. I made the shadows disperse, I sighed. This doesn't matter anymore. I am done with revenge, I am done with all of that. I looked up at the cloudy sky, today is the day isn't it? No more excuses, I am visiting my mate's grave. I have to before I die. I cracked my neck and warped myself to the frozen waterfall.

I came into the the clearing, rivers this far north aren't common. When you do see time, there usually frozen solid, with a silky white color shining inside them. I was right next to the cliff face, it went down a few feet, the frozen water make it look like an erratic ice sculpture at the bottom. I looked at the grave in front of me and sighed. I was silent, the wind brushing the tree branches were the only noise around. 

I noticed the shadowy presence of my shadow, she wasn't really paying attention to me. She was looking of to the distance with her sad black eyes.

I took off my blindfold and asked,"What's wrong?"

She didn't say anything at first, she then slowly looked at me,"Do you hate me?"

I sighed and said,"No I-"

"I mean do you hate yourself? You created me, where you meant to or not. I was meant to hurt you right? I was fine with that, but after watching you for a while..."She let her voice trial off.

I looked at her and said,"I do hate myself. I hate my actions, I hate my feelings, I hated being forgiven or given a second chance. I think I wanted... No I know I wanted to punish myself."

She frowned and floated directly infront me, she said,"But it wasn't your fault, none of the this was your fault. Every action you took, every decision you've made, you had every right to do so."

I clenched my fingers and said,"Was I? I couldn't do anything to stop my mom from being killed, my dad, my brother, my pack. I didn't only ruin my life after that, I ruined the lives of every single person I've met, Look at Adam!!"

I pointed angerly at his grave. She said,"What about Vix? What about Lynx and Cole? If anything their lives seemed to improve after meeting you." 

I said quietly,"I was a needless attachment, after I die then what?  They'll suffer more pain than what they've already known. I ruined everyone I touch, why don't you not get that?!?"

My voice broke in the end, I was holding my tears. She smiled softly and touched my face lightly,"Please don't hold on to this resentment, this hatred. Don't destroy for self for atonement. Everyone you cared about, everyone you'd ever loved, would've wanted to to be happy. You don't need to ask If I am worth it, Rain please love yourself."

Tears were streaming down my cheeks, I was trying to wipe them away, I said softly,"Okay."

She sighed in relief, I looked up and saw her fading. I said,"What? No, Ghosty!!" 

She gave a small smile and said,"You don't need me anymore Rain. Just remember to care for yourself okay?"

I held back my tears and took a deep breath and smiled."Yeah!! Thank you Ghosty for everything."

She winked with a big grin and she faded away completely.

I dropped to my knees and started at the grave.

Some Time Later

I cleared my throat as I got up and said quietly,"I should make a grave for her too." 

I looked at Adam's grave and said,"Hey Adam!! I know I hadn't talked to you afther well you know your death. So I though I'll updating you with what's going on in my life now."

At first it was hard to speak, I couldn't find the words. But gradually I began to open up and talked more and more. I spoke about my drug problems, I told him about my many, many exes, I told my about my reunion with Vix, my new friends.

I chuckled to myself as I said,"Vix is really fun, I love her truly. I wished you could've met her now, she's changed you know."

I sighed and patted the grave and put on a big smile, I said,"I'll visit you again next year, Adam!!"

I began to walk away, I felt like I learned a lot about myself today. I don't regret coming here at all.

I stopped because I had a thought in my head, I said to myself,"Wait. I should visit that place."

A few Minutes Later

I walked infront of a small cabin surrounded by dense trees. It was almost completely snowed in. I used my ice powers and cleared the snow away to reaval me and my mate's home before. 

It was a small wooden cabin, with a sitting porch outside and a sign at the door. I haven't been here in four years. I walked to the door and opened it. I could see perfectly with my shadows even though It was pitch black. There was a kitchen in the front with a small counter, connected there was the living room with a big couch next to the fire place, and to the side, the bedrooms and a bathroom. I took out the candles from the drawer underneath the sink. I placed them around the house as I light them with fire from my hands. I threw a fire ball into the fire place and the fire place roared.

 I went to the kitchen and took out my cleaning supplies and went to work. After four years this place had gathered some much dust and grime that I had to clean for a few hours before I was almost done. I walked past a small table and accidently hit it and something dropped, I heard glass shattering. I went down to pick it up, I knew what it was. 

I picked it up and saw water dripping from my face. I said weakly,"Huh?"

I gripped the picture frame as I laughed while crying. Jeeze this is the most I've ever cried in a long time. I can't even see the picture. I laughed softly while tears streamed down my face, I shaking off the glass and held it against my chest. I am not sad. I am glad for all the memories we had together.