A Cold Start - Anakin x Reader

hot or cold?

Anakin had just found out that my wrist was swollen from the fall earlier. The fall that he had provoked, I may add, not caring about the consequence that I could possibly get hurt. And I did get hurt. (Although I just noticed that once he pointed it out to me.) I think I must have tried to cushion the fall with my hands, overstretching my left wrist along the way. I've had much worse injuries in my life, don't get me wrong, but this one was just so unnecessary!

Anakin entered the cockpit with a little first aid kit in his hands. I was glad this ship even had one.
He walked over to me with an expression I couldn't read.

"Here, let me apply some cooling cream on your wrist, Y/N", he took out a little cream jar out of the kit and held it out. "Alright?", he checked with me, once I didn't respond right away.

A little hesitant, I stretched out my swollen wrist to him. Why did he suddenly care and was he even to trust?

Very carefully, (to my surprise!), he took ahold of my hand, dipped two fingers of his flesh hand into the jar and then rubbed the cream onto my reddened wrist. With slow and gentle circular motions he worked the cooling substance into my skin.
Never in my life would I have imagined that 'gentleness' was something that could be attributed to Anakin. But now, that he was so devotedly taking care of my wrist, his brows furrowed in concentration and lips pressed together, there was no other way than to describe him as gentle. If my wrist wasn't throbbing, I suppose his carefully moving fingers would have even felt as pleasant as a massage. I couldn't help but blush at that intrusive thought and the intimate scenario playing out in front of me. But Anakin was luckily too focused to notice.

"I'm gonna secure your wrist with a bandage now.", he broke the silence.

"Good.", I replied quietly.

With the same precision as before, he then carefully wrapped the cloth around my wrist, telling me to move my hand a bit so he would know whether to make any corrections.

The bandage was just tight enough and with the cream starting to take out the heat of the injury, I almost didn't feel any pain. So I shook my head in response, not needing any corrections.

With a nod and his lips forming a line, he slowly let go of my injured hand that he had been holding with his gloved hand.

"You know, I would have thanked you for taking care of me, hadn't it been you who I owe this-", I held up the bandaged wrist, "-to."

"I honestly thought you were ready for the challenge or else I wouldn't have done what I did.", Anakin explained in a neutral tone, while looking directly into my eyes.

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that, considering your whole training regime is pretty much just based on torturing me for your entertainment. You clearly don't care about me being ready when you are once again introducing a brilliant new training method!"
For the first time I verbally communicated these thoughts. Usually I bit my tongue, revealing my anger only through my actions in training. I would fight back even harder for example, if he tried to humiliate me.
But not today. Today I spoke out how I felt.

"You can't be serious, Y/N! And I'm sure, deep down you know that I am only exposing you to what I deem you capable of. So it's really just a compliment when I train you with my advanced methods, if you think about it. You just wanted me to say that out loud, that's what's going on.", Anakin said, visibly irritated. But so was I.

"Huh!? That is what you are making this about now? But okay, if that's what you want: what makes it so hard then for you, as my master, to just acknowledge or praise my progress like any other master would!? Instead, you assume that I would take your torture as a compliment.", I snapped back, finally speaking my honest mind. I have always hoped for a few kind words after practice or battle. Never though has Anakin acknowledged any of my achievements. Ever. And that has often had me in doubt of my abilities.

"I'm not just any master, Y/N. I have my own ways. And I don't owe you anything.", his wild eyes literally pierced mine.

"You're unbelievable.", I just shook my head in disbelief. His last words stung. My old master would have never been this cold to me.

"Thanks, my Padawan. I know that I am. But the same thing applies here: why didn't you acknowledge earlier how unbelievable I am?", he winked at me sarcastically. He winked! The audacity! The level of frustration this man sparked in me wasn't mesurable.

My next move was pretty dramatic, I knew that, but I really needed to make a point after his childish comeback. So with a swift motion, never breaking the eye contact, I loosened the belt around my waist and tossed that, followed by Anakin's cloak, to the floor.
With that I just turned around and walked off into the little backroom, leaving him standing there.

What I didn't know then was that the next few hours in the backroom wouldn't be so fun.
At first I decided it would be best if I just sat down to meditate a bit. The past events on this ship had left me feeling so out of balance. Anger, fear, confusion, pain, embarrassment- all these emotions had messed with my head and I was in urgent need of peace.

So meditating was what I did for the next hour. Although I was finally able to be with myself only and I indeed managed to calm down a little, I had to give up the session sooner than I would have liked. That was due to the fact that my whole body started shivering violently again because of how cold it was.
Great.

Not only dropped the temperature even more (I checked the display on the wall that revealed the temperature) but what was more, I wasn't wearing Anakin's cloak anymore. And it made a significant difference.

From then on my time was spent sitting on the floor, knees to my chest, literally freezing my ass off and wishing I were in my cozy quarters on Coruscant. Or at least on the way there because Obiwan's rescue had finally come.
With nothing to do to keep busy, my mind took it as an invitation to drift to places I didn't want to explore as they only made me sad and frustrated.

"I don't owe you anything."

These words echoed through my head over and over again. He wasn't completely wrong with what he said. Looking at the matter from an objective perspective he didn't owe me anything. He did most of the things that are the obligations of a master: he trained me and he took me with him on missions for me to gain experience. Although my skills were not poor at all when I was still the Padawan of my late master, they had significantly improved with Anakin as my mentor. And that alone kind of proved the point that he didn't owe me anything- when his actions even led to me becoming stronger, more so than before.

But there was another side, the side that outweighed the other, that made me feel like he did owe me. And that side was a subjective and emotional one which was mostly due to what I was used to as a Padawan of my former master. To him I had a much different connection than to Anakin. (If there was a connection between us at all, that is.)
My former master was like a father to me. He was kind, caring and empathetic. Qualities that were not at all in conflict with him still challenging or pushing me at times. He could be persistent like Anakin but after an extended training session, my master would also make sure I was fine and praise me for what I did well. And even if I messed up he would never punish me or freak out over it. Instead, we would simply talk it over and see how I could do better.

Talking; with mutual respect. That was something Anakin wasn't capable of whatsoever. And I couldn't help but wonder why he had become this way when Obiwan as his former master had never shown anything but kindness and warmth, too. What made Anakin choose absolute authority over communication and friendship?
All theses thoughts left me to guess that I would never find out.
And with that frustrating realisation I stared at the metallic wall in front of me, my body aching from the coldth and shivering uncontrollably.

That is when I suddenly heard Anakin call out my name from the cockpit.

"Y/N, come in here! Now. Obiwan's trying to reach out to us!"

A/N: I promise, the next chapter will get more interesting... 😌

What are your thoughts? Let me know them!