A Cold Start - Anakin x Reader

• so much better •

You already know what the dots in the title stand for...

(6400 words)

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“So? What’s the point in going through the whole thing now? I was angry, I killed him, and now he’s dead.” Anakin frustratedly shook his head. “Force’s sake.”

“I’m sorry if this is all bothering you. I was just bringing this up, because it is bothering me as well.”, I said trying to break through the walls he put up. “What the future could hold for us if there was another person knowing about us is bothering me. Because I don’t want to lose us.”

Anakin didn’t answer. He just stared out the window with a numb expression on his face.

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We were back in the temple on Coruscant.

And even though we had been here for a couple of days already, the conversation in the conference room on our way here, had been the last time that Anakin and I had openly spoken to each other.

Of course we were not ignoring one another- we hadn’t even fought or anything, so there was definitely no anger between us. It was just that the both of us were so frustrated, lost in our own thoughts and worries, that talking to the other person felt like such a difficult thing to do. When I saw Anakin, I couldn’t even bring myself to give him a smile because of how preoccupied my mind was. But he seemed to feel the same way with me. So we kept the interactions between us to a minimum.

There was a lot to do in the temple anyway.

The council was planning and preparing for a huge new mission starting tonight and in the past days Anakin and I had been busy helping them in any way we could. We developed attack strategies, ordered clone troops, instructed them, and studied the geography of the planet the mission would be on.

Admittedly, it felt a little odd to be so involved in the preparations though, given that we would stay in the temple, while everyone else would be leaving. I was sure Anakin felt the same way as I. But the council was convinced we shouldn’t come. They named my injury as one reason for their decision- which was just crazy. The wound was healing well and I felt barely any pain. As for Anakin, I suspected that they didn't think he was fit enough because of how unusually quiet and pale he was compared to his usual energetic self.

Could they sense that something was bothering us and that our thoughts were not clear enough to concentrate on the mission? Maybe not all of them, but master Yoda surely noticed that the force was out of balance within us. And because his opinions and wisdoms always mattered to the council a lot, I guess there was nothing we could do. We had to stay here tonight.

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After saying goodbye to everyone, but specifically to Obi-Wan up on the landing platform of the temple, I had gone to my room. Since then I had just been dozing in my bed. After all, my job was done for the time being. We were going to be contacted as soon as we could contribute something useful to the mission from the temple, like data from the archives or something similar. But it didn't look like that would be the case tonight. After all, the council had only been gone for less than two hours. So to speak, I was free for tonight.

In any other context, I would certainly have been very happy about that, but not even two hours had passed without anything to do and I already missed being busy. Because having nothing to do meant that my head had all the freedom to think and worry about things I had so happily pushed away during the day.

And all those things revolved around Anakin and our relationship.

The last few days had painfully shown us what our relationship could lead us to. We had been proven that it was the ideal weapon against us and that it paved the way for torture, manipulation and who knew what else. Anakin and I had never been naïve. We always knew what was at stake and we were willing to take that risk to be together. And even now, after everything that happened, I still didn’t want to live a life that didn’t involve Anakin’s love.
But that didn't mean I wasn't plagued by thoughts of what might be. Especially in view of the fact that Katzo was dead now and we would never know how he had found out about us in the first place and who else might know about the secret.