The Girl He Bumped Into

[36]

He couldn't look at me. I can feel how uncomfortable he is. Alam kong hindi niya gusto na sinundan ko siya rito sa Batangas. But I think the only way to get through this is to talk to him. Not for my own sake, but also for him. I wanted to tell him the truth. It was long overdue. I wanted to put an end to this. Baka closure. Maybe this won't turn out well. . . Maybe it will. Pero gusto ko na lang masabi sa kanya lahat ng nararamdaman ko. For his closure. I can't afford seeing him hurt and disappointed anymore every time Leo comes into picture. 

"Kurt, I know this is not a good time. Nasa seminar ka. . . you're on work. Yet I followed you here to try to talk to you. Alam kong ayaw mo. Pero I'm just asking a little bit of your time to hear me out." Huminga ako nang malalim. To be honest, I was so nervous. Kurt was not the same college boy who tried to pursue me years ago. Hindi na siya 'yun. He matured. He grown to be a responsible man. More manly. More attractive. More serious. 

Nakaupo kami sa may buhanginan, nakaharap sa dagat. Aside from the hanging fairy lights near us, ang buwan ang nagsilbing liwanag sa aming dalawa. We can the hear the soothing sound of the moving water in the ocean. It was calm, serene, and alluring. Unlike my feelings tonight. Magulo, natatakot, nangangamba, naduduwag.  

"I don't know what will happen after this conversation. Pero. . . I wanted to take this chance to talk to you." I gulped. Still, there's no reaction from him. He was just quietly sitting beside me. Lalo tuloy akong naduwag.

Napapikit ako nang mariin. I muttered a courage to speak. "Leo was my ex-boyfriend. . ." I saw his jaw clenched by the mention of Leo's name. 

"Leo started to join a frat when we were first-year college. I totally disagreed with him joining pero wala akong magawa sa kanya. He's stubborn. But because I love him that time, hindi ko siya iniwan. There's a lot of crimes and violations that he did in school. . ." Napalunok ako. "I- I was involved there. Hindi maiiwasan dahil girlfriend ako ni Leo. Pero wala akong ginawa. I tolerated his bad actions. . . Until an incident happened. H-he almost. . . killed a boy. He accidentally hit him with a car. But instead of admitting to his crimes, he just went away. Tinakasan niya lang. As if it's no big deal. I was so guilty that time because I didn't tell anyone. . . even the police or the administration what happened." Huminga ako nang malalim bago nagpatuloy. "I broke up with him after that. . . which he didn't take lightly. I was okay for a year. Hindi siya nanggulo. Until. . ."

Lumingon si Kurt sa akin, hinihintay ang sasabihin ko. Samantalang napayuko naman ako sa hiya. Pinipigilan ang sariling maduwag. 

"Pinuntahan niya ulit ako. He told me about you." When I turned my head to see him, he was so confused. 

"Alam niya na nahuli mo ang frat sa may likod ng gym. He thought you were the one who told the admin about the stolen vase. Kaya ikaw ang pinuntirya niya. He used me. . . and what happened to us before para lokohin ka. Para pabagsakin ka. Para saktan ka. He used me to fool you. And I couldn't say no to him dahil ayokong ma-expel. My parents would be disappointed at me. Kailangan kong grumaduate. . . Akala ko mas okay na sundin ko na lang si Leo. Na lokohin ka. Na paikutin ka. I don't know you, e. I don't care about you. Pero. . . You were so good to me. Ikaw lang ang nag-iisang tao na nanatili sa akin kahit ganito ang ugali ko. Ikaw lang ang umunawa. Kahit na tinutulak kita palayo, gusto mo pa rin ako. Nandyan ka pa rin. I didn't deserve you."