THE PLAYERS SERIES : S.M. {book 2}

XL (part I)

FIVE DAYS LATER

Boston, USA

Our flight has landed approximatively 30 minutes ago, yet Alexia and I already found our way to my dad, waiting for us near his car. After immediately hugging me tight, he then looked at Alexia and also gave her a quick hug - sign that he likes her very much. 

The rest of the Barça teammates invited - which included Ana-Maria, Frido, Abby, Keira, Mapi, Ingrid and a few others - would be arriving tomorrow, one day before the wedding. When we get to my hometown, as well as my childhood house, I get nostalgic. 

We settle in into my room, as my mother and Kristie were dealing with last-minute issues about the wedding location. Indeed, my sister and Lucy chose not to reveal the location where they'd get married in two days - but something tells me it's unconventional. 

We then get in the car, as I start to drive at our meeting point with my mom and my sister to help them select the flowers for the D day. 

Alexia suddenly grabs my hand while we are waiting at a red light, staring at me with soft loving eyes, before she says:

"I am very glad to be here."

"And I'm very glad you're here" I honestly respond, kissing her hand. Now or never, Mewis, I think to myself, before saying: "Listen, I gotta talk to you about something... important and pressing, let's say."

Her eyes immediately translate the confusion she's experimenting.

"Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good."

Sighing, I immediately start explaining:

"My injury's a game changer for me: Barça are trying to decide whether they should keep investing in me or just release me from my contract. If that's the case, then-"

"Wait, they can't-"

"Yes, they can: one of the close of the contract specifies that, during season-ending injuries, player and staff have to come to a decision together."

"But you want to leave?" Alexia asks, raising her eyebrows. 

"No, of course not" I immediately say, staring into her eyes, "but I don't wanna become a burden for the team, Ale. Plus, there's my niece coming in 7 months or so, a-and maybe Lucy will leave to be with Kristie, s-so..."

"Wait, hold on" the brunette urges me to shut my mouth, visibly overwhelmed. "You've actually considered leaving?"

"I have not not considered leaving" I admit, feeling my heart break a little bit more. Feeling my stomach being taken over by anxiety, I keep on speaking: "I know this is very sudden and comes at a very early stage of our relationship - like, hell, we've not even branded it yet, let alone spoke about the future and dreams and hopes together - but I've been meaning to talk to you about it."

Alexia rolls her eyes, visibly annoyed. 

"You want me to tell you to stay, is that it?" she then asks, setting her jaw. 

"... yes."

"I won't do that" the Spanish declares, visibly hurting as her eyes are filled with tears, "I won't tell you to stay here for egoistic reasons while your whole family is overseas. I won't be the person keeping you away from them."

Gasping, I just restrain myself from crying as much as possible. 

My eyes on the road again, I just fall into silence, not knowing what to say or how to react to the turmoil of negative feelings mingling inside my stomach. 

After a while, I just whisper:

"I don't wanna lose you."

As much as I never said those words to anyone - not even my former husband who I had been with for most of my adult life - Alexia just turns her face toward me, while I keep my eyes on the road, a tear rolling down my cheeks. 

Alexia sighs, before saying in a confident voice:

"You won't. Unless you start making all the important decisions without me - then it'll mean you don't want to keep me in your life."

"It's not the case. It's just-"

"- and impossible situation, I get it."

Another long silence establishes between us, while I park the car in the driveway near the wedding dresses shop. We both walk out of it, and right before we enter the shop in question, Alexia grabs my hand, forcing me to look at her. 

Cracking a small smile, she declares:

"Let's enjoy the next few days, and we'll worry about the rest later. Okay?"

"Alright."

But I could see her hurting as her eyes are getting clouded.

***

While Alexia and Lucy are helping my dad in the kitchen, I find myself sitting down next to my sister and mother, who both seem like they've been through a lot emotionally speaking today: dress fit up is not joke around here. 

Grabbing both our hands, our mom declares:

"I couldn't be more proud of my girls. I love you."

"We love you too, mom" Kristie says, softly smiling. 

"And I am so happy you found two women who love you for who you are"

After a brief collective hug, I end up tearing up, although I tried to hold it back for as long as humanly possible. Both my mom and Kristie surround me with their love, staring at me while also leaving me some space to react. 

After a while, I just whisper:

"I don't know what to do."

"What do you mean?" Kristie asks, raising her eyebrows. 

"About my injury: I don't know if I should come back to the U.S. or stay in Barcelona. Like, maybe it's the end of my career, and it would feel good to be home, but still there would be a part of me breaking in the process if I left Alexia behind. Isn't that too intense given that I've known her for less than a year? Like, who the fuck even has the pressure of making such an important decision when they just got together? and-"

"Woah, Sammy, breathe" Kristie orders, realizing I am actually spiraling out of control. 

My mother, while wiping my tears away, just says in a low yet warm voice:

"The way of the heart are not logical ones - but yet, you have to follow them. You are at a crossroads, Samantha, as there had been before, and as there will be thorough your life. At that very moment, you are the only person able to weight what you need or not in life. No matter what, you have it in you."

Gasping, I just respond:

"How do I choose when the choice is between my family and the women who taught me how to love again...?"