shutterbug ~ johnten

fortyfour

the rain hadn't stopped. obviously. he'd been inside for five minutes, it wasn't going to stop. he folded the top of the plastic bag, putting it inside his coat to shield it from the rain.

with no idea what to do now, ten continued walking. no aim. no end location.

-

with a deep sigh, johnny pushed open the door of his apartment. he stood in the foyer, under a shelter, hidden from the downpour.

he'd had enough. the guilt he felt in his stomach, even though he knew he didnt need to. the guilt of making ten feel the way he felt. the guilt when he pulled out a single cigarette from his pocket with a lighter.

the guilt as he placed it between his lips, lighting it slowly.

he was tired. he was so, so tired.

he couldn't lay and sink in his sorrows anymore. he had to get out again, he had to carry on.

he was pathetic. he knew this was childish. he just needed to finish the schedule around the states and he'd be done. fresh new start and it'd be over and he'd be okay again.

shivering from the cold, johnny let his head fall back as he let the smoke roll through his lips.

he could fall asleep. it was early morning. he was still in pyjamas and a big hoodie, not making him warm at all.

the sky was becoming brighter, but he couldnt see the sunrise through the dark clouds. he could hear birds chirping and noticed cars started to drive past.

he let his eyes shut, and he relaxed for a moment.

"johnny-" a voice spoke out across the road.

his eyes shot open, but quicker than he could acknowledge what was happening, ten had ran across the street.

"what are you-" ten grabbed the cigarette quickly, wincing and keeling over, holding his hand tightly, "shit-"

johnny stood in place, frozen in shock as the cigarette fell onto the ground, into the sidewalk. he watched ten throw his head back and squint his eyes, in a way one would cope with pain.

at this point, the bag had fallen from ten's protection, and rain was falling from the roof, into it.

"ten-"

"johnny- fuck- ouw-" ten whined, as johnny carefully grabbed his arm, looking at what ten was struggling with.

the latter had burnt the palm of his hand while grabbing the cigarette. his eyes were slowly filling with tears, as johnny held his waist, pulling him close.

they were both shaking in eachothers hold, as ten cried gently.

"i cant- can we- lets go up-" ten shook his head, inputting the code to johnny's building, and opening the door.

"you- you dropped something," johnny pointed out, grabbing the bag and passing it to the man waiting for him at the entrance, "here-"

"you take it."

-

"this'll hurt a little, but it'll take a way the pain," johnny spoke quietly, as ten sat on a stool in the kitchen. johnny slowly placed a cold cloth onto the younger's palm, "take a breath.."

ten inhaled as johnny held the wet towel on his hand. his eyes were still spilling tears, as they sat in silence.

it was comfortable. neither of them wanted to say anything, nor hear anything.

"let me know when it stops hurting."

ten was finished. this was all he could take. he was cold. he was shaking and his heart was beating so fast to the point he was in pain.

"johnny i'm-" he choked out, but stopped when his throat closed up. his chest letting out messy, uncontrollable gasps as he cried harder, "i-"

johnny shook his head, standing closer to ten, pulling his head into his stomach and hugging him, "dont talk, you can't.. it's okay."

a few minutes passed, of ten struggling to breathe, and johnny quietly crying while holding the boy.

letting go of ten, he let go of his hand too. he flinched as johnny did so, but he could honestly take anything now.

"pain?"

ten shook his head, as johnny put a bandaid and a bandage on his burn.

the quiet buzz of the refrigerator, and the morning birds singing made ten feel calmer. he appreciated that johnny didn't want to talk about anything.

the whole apartment slowly got brighter as the morning sun shone through the windows and the rain began to cease.

johnny had opened a window, and ten let the cold air seep into his lungs as the older made the two coffee.

the smell of the coffee was strong. stronger than usual. he carefully grabbed johnny's arm with his other hand, and held it to his face to block out the strong bitterness.

"ice coffee?? or warm?"

"warm. m'cold."

johnny nodded, taking a tissue and wiping ten's eyes, before giving him the tissue, "wait here."

ten nodded. not really knowing where else he'd go. that made him laugh. he chuckled lowly, looking around the kitchen.

not much had changed. he'd only been gone for a few days, but little things were in the exact same places. things you'd usually move daily.

he frowned, wondering how johnny had been holding up.

the man returned with a hoodie and a sad smile. he gave ten the hoodie, and poured his coffee into a mug.

"what were you doing out?" johnny asked, sitting on a stool next to him, leaning on the counter, giving space.

"i.. i was sad. and bored. i dunno."

"mm.." johnny nodded, as ten took small sips from the coffee. his eyes were locked on the liquid, and didn't move from there, "im sorry."