Poem

An Open Letter To My Ex

Dear Labs,

I don't even know if I still meant it calling you "Labs" because our story has ended for quiet a while now. Well, just for the sake of getting your attention as what you did with mine, let me use it for the last time.

There were no sparks when we meet. Not even a like nor a love. But there was this mutual understanding of lets-get-to-know-each-other-stage that we need to take. And we did. We need to because we both know we don't know each other well. As part of the norm of courtship (if we call it courtship), we should undergo throwing of questions to each other to get a hint of who we are in our own respective ways.

I was then a young lad fresh from a moved-on man because of my previous relationship that did not work out. I wa so open that even little details, I dared not hide from you because I wanted to be honest as much as I can. Because that is me. If you wanna get to know me, ask me questions and I will answer it with no filter. Because that's how i open up myself to someone special and dear to me.

When it was your time to talk, I can feel hesitations among your answers that lead me to thinking of a way for you to get comfortable with me as I was to you. Still, you are sounding so safe with your answers that, again, lead me to a deep thinking that you might be unprepared since your trust is still not solid enough to share it with me.

I did not force you then to tell me who you are. I let the people around us tell me who you are of which, I know was really not a good idea because I don't believe in hearsay. Duh!

People will build you up. Tell me things about you. In some point I'd like to believe them that it's all true but I'd rather love it hearing straight from your mouth. Because when you talk and look me straight in the eye, I know i would believe or not in whatever that would come out from your mouth.

No! We never was in a stage when you look me in the eye and tell me things that I should know. And it hurts me because I easily gave in my whole life story and just getting one-fourth of your life story. Does that even count for the getting-to-know-each-other stage? I guess, and you would agree with me, that it's.

But still I was there. Trying to make a story with you. Sharing passions, likes, hobbies. Showing you that I am dead serious in getting to know you needless if you'd like your story reserved.

October 26, 2014. Our story started. The crowd were pleased in where we ended. They were happy for the both of us. I was the happiest because this is a new chapter in my life I considered that you might have been the one destined for me.

I know that in some times, i forgot to do my responsibilities as your boyfriend. Those were minute things actually. Waiting for you after office hours, I know i seldom did that because you know for a fact that we are far from each other. I can exert my effort doing that but maybe not all the time. We both have works to attend to. I did hope you realized that but, you didn't.

We dated. Watched movie, hang out. We even have out of towns with the crowd. Those are precious moments to me.

I have always wanted to feel you exist everytime we are together. When I hugged you, I know you are there. But existing is not just about being there. It's being sensitive and more than giving a mere feeling of longingness, belongingness. Existing is reciprocating the deed with all your heart and not just gestures. It pained me but I did not let it out because just by being with you, kissing you, holding you, hugging you is enough to fill my needs of happiness.

What more could I ask for but atleast you should have saw the signs that I am still unable to cope with the fact that we are together. Showing me how you love me is different from proving that you do. Because you never proved that you love me, truly!

I have been living in this life for 33 years. Have been in a lot of relationships. Serious relationships that I have invested all my heart. I just don't jump in relationships just for fun because loving is serious matter that everyone should take. Loving is not just mere kissing and cuddling and holding hands. Loving is not exchanging of promises. Loving is not for boasting that you are in a relationship.

Loving is a serious business that may land you to a bankruptcy.

You invest your time, effort, emotions and serious feelings.

Have you ever asked me why I loved you? Because if you do, you should have known why it was a pain-staking stage for me to cope with the moving on process. I have to endure the pain. I have to hide the sadness. I have to put a smile in my face when I really wanted to cry. I have to go on with life. I have to walk with my mind still thinking that you are just kidding me when you told me about the break up.

I never wanted to give up. I told myself to give you tine to think about letting me go unexpectedly. I gave you all the time to find yourself again hoping that one day you will realize that I am who you wanted.

Three months.

Three months and i haven't heard your side of the story. I did but those were from people who were close to us. But I wanted it to come out from you. You never did.

And then you came knocking again. When all things have cleared. All I have felt were gone. The memories are now fading. You cm and ask me to bring you back in my life.

They say that love is sweeter the second time around. They said that second chances should be considered as an option for us to start anew.

But I say, i don't believe in second chances. I don't believe in sweeter love. Love is incomparable. Love does not stand for lovelier or loveliest. There is no such thing as those. Because love is the root word for relationships. And I believe that the 100% love i showed was enough to close my doors of any possibilities that we can be together again. Once I spit out my gum, i can no longer take it back. So when I loved you before, that was my whole life.

I have moved on.

I have lived a happi life since then.

I have realized that I can still be happy.

Without you.

Now tell my why should I love you again? When the love I have felt before for you are now gases in my thoughts. Can never be rebuilt. Can never be felt.

So I am saying sorry that I can no longer open my heart and welcome you back. Because your name was erased threw months ago. And, I guess i can say that if you are hurt today, that's because I felt it too.

I will never bring you back in my life. I am praying though that through this, stop gathering sentiments from people who doesn't know the real story between you and me. Our book was already published. And the last chapter was when you said goodbye and I said hello to single-blessedness, again!

I'm sorry.

Your Ex
Brix