What I think about life.

Winter

It won't stop snowing and Laila enjoying every second of it. She just sit on the park bench letting the the coldness from the winter to numb her. It is oddly satisfying as if she is waiting for death to come and take her. That is how she feel at that moment - she don't want to be there. She just simply don't want to exist. Not existing is better than living or dying. That dark thought has been lingering on her mind.

Is it a dark of a thought to think that she don't want to exist? She do not know. She never discuss this to anyone before nor she ever told this to anyone before. Is she just being lazy about life? About living life? She do not know. This is all too confusing for her. She is trapped in this chaotic thing called life and she is just starting to realize it. She just realized that she is sad about life. There is an emptiness somewhere that some people might not be able to comprehend. A void that is indescribable and weigh her down that living is simply become a never-ending chore. Leaving the world to her own accord is definitely not a choice.

She has to find strength inside of her somewhere. She knows she still has it because she still breath the same air as other people. She is still alive and well. She still has everything a person could asked for. She knows this might be just a temporary thing or maybe not. She knows that she has to survive all of this somehow. She knows that all of this is just one big test before she step on the everlasting world.

Maybe it will be years that will happen or maybe it will be sooner.

Whichever it is - she just need to find strength to live somehow.