Beautiful Dichotomy

chapter 7

"I don't really think I like this one," Rae said as she looked at her self in the mirrors. The cobalt blue prom, dress covered in gems, reflected off of the artificial lighting in the dress store.

Her oldest sister, Penelope, watched and gave a similar face to the dress on Rae. "Whenever you arent feeling a dress, no one likes it on you either. So take it off and try the next one on." She said in a dry tone, stating a fact.

"Okay, "Ray felt very silly and now also very dismissed. by her sister. She shot a small smile to the woman who worked in the store and was helping her by picking out dresses in her size. It wasn't a nice feeling to know that their size and styles were limited outside of being relatively thin. A part of her felt like she shouldn't even be going to Prom and she partially didn't want to. She had been telling everyone in school that she wasn't sure if she was going to go to Prom and right now she was happy she told people that.

Just in case.

Neither her mom or her dad were available to take her dress shopping and they didn't care to. Too consumed in their own problems to care about anything else around them.

Selfishly, a small part of her wanted at least one of them to take her. Penny and Layla had their mom with them to shop for dresses and Darren had their dad to get his tux.

Before going and closing the curtains, she gave one last look to Penny, her oldest sister, who was now giggling and typing on her phone. Showing more emotion to a screen than she did to her youngest sister going Prom dress shopping.

The whole experience was depressing but Rae did not want to have that look on her face.

Penny noticed Rae out of the corner of her eye, "hey, just remember I can only give you about 200 for a dress cause that's all I really have available on my credit card." She said out loud in front of everyone in the store.

"I know Penny, thank you again," She responded in a small voice so only Penelope heard her.

"Oh hold on honey, try this one on! It's a size too big so we may have to take it in but it's also on sale!" The attendant said to her as she handed Rae the dress through the curtain, "thank you so much."

Her voice calm and polite as she finally looked at the dress the woman handed her. The fabric thick, and weighed down as she barely got it on the hook. It was a giant ball gown: one that was gaudy, hot pink, and kind of not her style. She looked at the giant gems all over the corset top and cringed.

On top of all that it was strapless, which is something she asked not to have because she was embarrassed by her arms.

Trying the dress on anyways, too nice to not try it on, she barely zippered the back and noticed how big it was. Surprising even herself, she actually didn't mind how it looked on, she thought it was somewhat flattering as it enhance her chest. Fully examining herself in the mirror, she gave herself a smirk, knowing it wasn't really her but also feel like she had no other options.

She could tell Penny was over it so she didn't want to be a burden

Knowing this, she knew exactly what she had to do to convince everyone and herself that she loved it. There  in the mirror, she started to smile really wide, forcing it. "I love this one," she said and followed with a fake giggle.

As she exited the curtain, both Penelope and the attendant gave her a smile matching hers. They both nodded in agreement as the attendant rushed to grab clips for the back of the dress. "Do you really like this one?" Penelope asked her, those green eyes analyzing, almost as if it was an interrogation. Growing slightly nervous, Rae nodded enthusiastically, her smile never faltering, "I really love it!"

"How much is it?" And with her question, the attendant came back and started working on the back of the dress. Her small hand clipping the material so that they could see what it would look like tailored. Luckily, they had a family friend who would do tailoring for them whenever needed and without charge. "This one's actually on sale for 100, "the attendant seemed happy that she found us the dress within our budget and that I liked.

"Even better. We'll take it." Penelope said without hesitation, as Rae just smiled at the both of them. Turning once more, seeing the dress formally fitted to her body in the mirror. Her waist and bust accentuated, as the giant pool of pink fabric went out and then down from her waist down. This was a lot and made her stand out: she hated it.

"Thank you so much again Penny," Rae added softly while the attendant went to go and ring the dress up. There was a full line of other students Prom dress shopping within the shop.  "Yeah, no problem," She replied in a bored tone while looking at her phone after handing over her credit card.

The ride home was awkward, but not too bad. Rae knew Penelope could tell something was off with her, but also knew that Rae didn't like to talk about those things. She internalized a lot and that was all thanks to the environment in which they were raised. She never wanted to offend anybody, she didn't want to disappoint her parents or siblings, and she definitely didn't wanna upset any of them. Penelope would shoot her a glance here and there before turning up the radio for both of them to sing together.

Rae dragged the dress in their house while Penelope parked her car. The weight of it shocking her each time she had to pick it up as she went to hang it up in their closet. Layla just looked at her, watching her every move seeing the hot pink fabric from the bottom making her shiver. "A pink prom dress?" Layla said in a grossed out tone making Rae laugh before turning around.

"What's wrong with hot pink?" She said it with another laugh and sad eyes.

All Layla did was shake her head no before putting her headphones back on. Rae knew that that was the end of the conversation as she started doing her homework. Layla eventually left the room leaving her on her own as she took a break just to stare out of the window. She watched the squirrel hopping on a branch before climbing up and out of her sight. The small critter making her smile, wishing she can climb a tree and just stay there.

It wasn't that random, she thought to herself... the animal may be random, but she still just wanted some true solitude.

Looking down on her phone, she saw all of the social media notifications and all of the unread group chat messages. Mindlessly scrolling through, she even saw a few DM's from guys and girls at her school, who have never spoken to her in person. Other than waving in passing or nodding to acknowledge her.

Ignoring them all, she cleared everything only to stop. Pressing her palm into her forehead, she though about Samuel again...

This was an obsession for her and one she needed under control.

She could see her phone taunting her on her bed. Itching to do anything to find him online... she caved as she snatched it up. Now scouring all platforms to see if he had an account. Trying everything and every platform she can think of, but she found nothing. The only thing she was able to find was his father's account, and it was private. In the small profile picture which she clicked on to make bigger, she could see the family photo of him, Kim, and young Samuel. Both John and Kim had on mouse ears, while Samuel just had his straight hair and a black mouse shirt. The image making her laugh, knowing that he hasn't really changed. Yet he looks so different from the younger version of himself.

She put her phone down reluctantly and continued working on her homework assignments until her mom walked in, "hey sweetie, I just got home." Her head peeked in the door, giving all the animals the opportunity to come into the room. They all wanted l Rae's attention as she tried her best to give it to them before they all started piling on her bed to wait for her to be done. She smiled over at her mom, "how was work?"

Gwen simply nodded and Rae could to tell how exhausted she was. Everything about her screamed exhaustion: her scrubs, eye bags, and forehead creases. In Gwen's eyes, Rae could feel some minor guilt and she assumed it was about the dress as her mom started looking around the room, as if looking for something, "did you pick out a dress? For Prom?"

"Yeah, I did," she responded now looking back at her notebook. Hoping that the gesture was enough for her mom to stop asking.

And it was.