Beautiful Dichotomy

chapter 50

Without saying a word, Samuel just nodded at her before walking around to go inside her building. Rae immediately feeling bad.

"Wait-" Rae tried reaching for him only to see that he already went inside her unlocked apartment, holding the door for her. Stopping in front of him so he couldn't let it go or close it, she noticed his jaw was tight and his head was turned facing away from her.

"I didn't mean that, I'm sorry."

"No you did," Samuel retorted, "you're a very private person. I get that," he still hadn't looked at her.

Rae didn't know what to say as she finally let him close the door and they silently headed towards her room. Samuel making no mistakes as he packed his bag. His movements and sounds not that of anger, but Rae wasn't sure how he was feeling, "are you leaving now?" She asked him nervously.

"I think I should."

The sound of the zipper making her flinch as he swung the bag over his shoulder casually. Not sure how he was even feeling inside, struggling with his emotions in this moment as he just saw her staring down at her hands as she stood near the door. "We hadn't talked about me staying the whole weekend," he added.

"Yeah," she still didn't look up, afraid to see his expression. Equally terrified that this was it, the moment she dreaded where after sex, things changed.

Asking herself if that was all he wanted from her.

"Rae," he talked to her as his voice was much closer than before, "I can't keep making these steps for you. Leading you to ask me to stay, trying to force you to be honest with me-"

"I've always been honest with you," she shook her head, still afraid to look up.

"You have to tell me what you want from me."

That statement alone making her look up at him.

"I don't want this to be the way that it is," he said in a serious but soft voice, "if something happens, I want you to want to tell me: good or bad. The same way I do and this could be selfish of me," he confessed, "but I just can't help but feel like I'm the only one trying... I want to be with you in every way humanly possible. Anything that happens, I need to tell you about it," his voice trailed off at the sight of her just staring still at him, never moving or reacting. "Like even now, I want to just hold and kiss you. Just love you."

Giving her a minute to process his words, he stayed there, just waiting.

Rae broke the eye contact to look down and close her eyes. The tears building quickly as she fought them, looking back up, "my dad's in the hospital. Apparently something happened at work."

Samuel's eyebrows shot up in surprise at what she said and how serious it was.

"But I can't go." She shrugged casually, a tear falling when she finished her sentence.

"Why not?"

"I haven't spoken to him in 5 years and he told me I was dead to him." Another tear falling. "I don't talk to my family at all, not even my mom: they make me feel so crazy, it's scary. It's like they live in their own reality and everytime I'm around them, I just get sucked into it," she ranted while crying, "they give nobody any room to be themselves without judging them. It doesn't matter the situation, and forget about any physical or even verbal affection. There's no, love you, hugs, compliments or even apologies. Those things don't exist to them," she now chuckled tearing her eyes away to blink away tears, Wiping her face roughly as she stared at her wall.