Beautiful Dichotomy

chapter 36

The walk outside the building and down the sidewalk was heavy. Mostly coming off of Rae as she walked slightly ahead of him and stared forward, not saying a word. "I never thought I'd see the day," Samuel added, still Rae didn't say a single thing and kept walking. Not even acknowledging him. "Rae is mad..." his tone lighthearted, "fuming mad," suddenly he appeared in front of her, walking backwards, "genuinely angry and possibly at me." His voice low before cupping both of her cheeks, pretending to examine how her face was in a frown.

Swatting his hands away, she took a step back, "I'm not mad."

"So just jealous then?"

Taken aback, she glared hard into his eyes. Her reaction even making him nervous as he held his hands up defensively, "is it not jealousy or anger?"

"Neither," she said in a short voice, now maneuvering around him to keep walking.

"Seriously Rae, what did I do?" His question making her stop walking to sigh, "tell me what happened."

"You just got up and forgot I was even there. I mean don't get me wrong she was perfect, I'm not blind so I get it. You didn't even introduce me, then this dude was being all creepy and you had no idea," Rae began, stepping aside to not cause sidewalk traffic, "cause you were helping her without giving me even a nod or wave. Then you call me jealous? Even if there wasn't anything going on between us romantically, I would've felt forgotten... as a friend."

Samuel's previous teasing aura now replaced by guilt. It was written all over his face and in his body language.

"I'm really sorry. She just told me she was sad from her breakup and really felt alone there. So when she asked for my help I kinda just said yes," Rae's eye roll not going unnoticed, "why're you rolling your eyes?"

"Because even she doesn't care about her own breakup, she just wanted your full and undivided attention. Even when we were trying to leave together. Both times, you gave it to her." Samuel awkwardly rubbed his neck now, "and so what if I was jealous. You've gotten jealous around me before and I didn't tease you about it. It's not like it's cute or- or something I wanna be," Rae bravely added, "can we just talk about this another time? Please."

"Well I want to apologize-"

Rae held both hands up to stop him, "you already did and I accept it. I just wanna get back," only she knew she could barely finish that last sentence. On the inside she felt like she was falling apart. Her brain berating itself about feeling so inadequate in so many ways. She wasn't special and her brain was doing a good job of convincing itself.

Samuel just maintained the same speed as her while they continued their walk back towards his place. He wasn't sure if she was still going to stay the night like she said she'd try or if she just wanted to go home. He felt so terrible for the way he made her feel and for being so oblivious.

He was just always so happy since they started seeing one another. Nothing could bring him down and he believed that. So now that she is just here and upset because of him was making his chest hurt. She walked ahead to climb the stairs towards his apartment.

Pausing at the locked door, he heard her sigh and look down. The pit in his stomach instantly grew in size and began twisting. He waited days for her to come today and now it was all ruined.

"I'm sorry," she unexpectedly added, "I shouldn't have talked to you like that earlier or so sensitive about everything. I never really have been jealous of anyone so I didn't know what I was feeling. Then I just felt like she was so-" she paused knowing he was immediately going to make her feel better and wasn't sure if she wanted to continue. Focusing on him, she saw him just waiting for her to finish, pleading almost, "flawless. Then my insecurities kinda ran wild and I wanted to get out of there and I'm sorry for lying about wanting to leave."

"I deserve to be checked sometimes too," he added, his flat hand pressing tight against his chest, "and I needed it. You were right about everything except feeling less than her." he now took a few more steps to grow closer to where she stood. "Samuel," she tried to stop him.

"I can show you, if you want?"

Now directly in front of her, he effortlessly reached to unlock the door behind her.

"Show me?" She looked at him confused.

"How beautiful you are," he planted a kiss on her forehead before guiding her inside, "stay the night please." He begged her before the made it to his apartment door, "I really want you to."

"Does this have anything to do with you showing me?" She raised an eyebrow before caving and nodding. Excited Samuel half grabbed her to pull her inside. Their playful giggles non stop as they rushed to kick their shoes off. Tripping and stumbling before colliding in a kiss. Samuel used a free hand to steady them as he pressed it against the door they barely got to shut.

Unbeknownst to either of them, David was watching from the couch. Barely peering over the back, surprised to see them hop all over one another. Proud of his best friend for finally being more openly affectionate.

From what Samuel would say to David and how he saw his demeanor towards his other partners: Rae was completely different. Not that he wasn't a gentleman always, it was just his level of interest and openness was so much higher from what David could see.

Even know he watched them stumble straight into his room, laughing along the way. Sighing contently, David refocused on his movie and turned the volume up. Unable to not grin while munching on the popcorn he had made.

"We're both sweaty," Rae stopped herself from sitting on the bed as Samuel kissed down her neck. Her eyes naturally closing.

"Then let's shower," he offered so casually while Rae stiffened and he immediately regretted saying it, "I can go in after you," he tried to salvage the moment. Now pulling her after him to not face her. Rae planted her feet, so he turned to face her.

"I don't think I'm ready for that," her honesty making him smile at her and she pulled him back towards her to hug, "yet." She whispered up at him, the shocked expression he wore making her laugh.

Leaving the room, following behind him, Samuel froze seeing the back of David's head. They both watched as he slowly raised a hand to wave at them without turning, "hello to y'all too," he finally spun around to face them as Rae tried to slightly hide behind Samuel.

He saw her barely waving while Samuel was staring at him, "when did you get home?"

"A long time ago," he exaggerated his words, not helping the situation, "I was too tired to go to work so I stayed home and I'm glad I did."

His laughter earning him a playful slap on the back of the head from Samuel. Swinging at the air, he continued to pull Rae behind him who just waved once again.