Beautiful Dichotomy

chapter 41

***Trigger warning! This chapter has some interactions/words that may be triggering to some. Themes: sexual coercion and manipulation***

"What happened? Is she okay?!" Gabby immediately walked inside, genuinely concerned. While Samuel sat next to Rae on the couch. Dahlia just shrugging, "she hasn't spoken a word to either of us."

"Rae?" Gabby now focused after thanking Dahlia and kneeling in front of where she sat on the couch.

"It was Michael..." Rae said, her voice still shaking even though she had stopped crying.

"That motherfucking piece of shit," Gabby immediately stood back up, "where did you see him? Did he say where he was goin?"

"No Gab, please I don't know how..." she sighed before giving all the hints needed that Rae wasn't sure how to tell Samuel about Michael. Gabby fully understood, "do you want me to tell you how I saw it?"

Rae just stared at her, not sure if it was the right thing. Thinking she looked weak for not being able to talk about it.

"Saw what?" Samuel interrupted, not sure what was happening, "who is he?"

"He's Rae's first ever... situationship," Gabby began, seeing Rae tense up, "and it was traumatic as shit to put it plainly."

"This is weird," Rae held up her hands, "I'm sorry," she faced Samuel and noticed Dahlia in the background, "I just pushed him into the furthest corners on my head and swore I'd never have to think about him again."

"I'm in the dark here and it's killing me." Samuel confessed, staring deeply into her eyes.

"Samuel, I know and I'm sorry. I really am-"

"I can go?" Dahlia interrupted quickly, not sure if this was meant to be a group conversation.

"You can stay, I'd rather only talk about him once," Rae continued to cry lightly, wiping her tears once again. "I met him on a dating app. Gabby and I were talking one day about how I felt like I was not normal for never having done anything, not even kissing anyone..." she continued even though she was beginning to feel embarrassed, "I kinda latched onto him cause he was the first guy to show interest in me that wasn't entirely sexual, or at least not in a creepy way."

"She was wrong as shit about that by the way," Gabby intervened, "had she told me how the conversations they had really went, I would've let her know sooner to ghost his gaslighting ass."

"Okay girl, let her finish," Dahlia stopped Gabby from making things worse.

Rae silently thanking Dahlia as she continued, finding it harder with her word as Samuel stared at her full of so much concern, "each time we hung out, I tried to keep my distance... anytime I kissed him or even hugged or cuddled: it felt so wrong. It was kind of- like painful to force myself to try but I thought this was normal," she looked away from everyone, "kept telling myself I had to just push through to be regular."

Samuel's reassuring touch on her knee making her look back up at him.

Instead of speaking, he waited for her to continue.

"He kept begging me to do other stuff after we kissed for the first time... he was very pushy looking back on it and would always ask why not-"

"What did he do..." Samuel's voice was almost unrecognizable, "did he-"

"Oh- no, nothing serious like that happened Sam," Rae now held onto his hand, softly rubbing the back of it. "The thing that happened was I kinda just agreed to let him do what he wanted to prove that I could do it," her small laugh to try and lessen the intensity of her words as she looked away helped nobody. She didn't even take note of everyone's collective horrified stares. "I mean... I was terrified and before anything happened he just kept hugging me, telling me to relax. So I just closed my eyes through the whole thing and it felt like a blur. Once I faked it, I could tell he was waiting for me to return the favor and... I um- I did." Her eyes shifting between Samuel's and her lap.

Nobody said a word, making her nervous as she finally looked up to see his horrified look.

"It's not like I was forced or anything," she tried convincing him, in hopes he stopped looking at her like that or else she'd start crying again. "He- well I didn't face him when I was doing that cause I felt gross and when it was over he asked me if I was ready to leave. That was the first ever time he did that so I knew I wasn't good and I left so fast. Two weeks go by of not talking at all and Gabby told me to reach out and see what happens."

Gabby crossed her hands over her chest and looked away, her leg tapping rapidly.

"Long story short, he did answer but was standing offish and I went kinda crazy. I was mad at myself and sent stupid long texts which he read and never responded to."

The silence was killing her inside as she couldn't stand to look up anymore at her friends.

"I- uh- I even offered to be friends out of desperation, but he still didn't respond and after two weeks, Gabby helped me just block him. I deleted all traces of him and forced myself to forget until today. Where he bumped into me on the street and started trying to go with me to meet you," she looked up to see Samuel with an expression she'd never seen before. "then he was calling me names and left us alone," she gave short glances to Gabby and Dahlia. Unable to look away from Dahlia's concerned stare.

"Rae, I don't wanna overstep or make you relive any trauma... thank you for sharing that. I just needed to say that consent can be withdrawn anytime, any place and with anybody. Honestly, to me, it sounds like you did two things you didn't want to do," she walked closer to her and placed a reassuring hand on Rae's shoulder seeing the tears fall down her cheeks, "you weren't ready to be intimate and that is okay. It sounds like he talked you into it, which is literally coercion."

Samuel's hand was still there on her leg, applying a lot more pressure the more was said out loud. Rae was currently stunned and hadn't noticed as she looked at Dahlia. "You didn't overstep, thanks for listening Dally. I did say though that I'd do it so it wasn't-"

"You said you were terrified." Samuel stopped Rae from making excuses, "you're very easy to read. When you're uncomfortable, it is fucking obvious."

His harsh words making her try and immediately calm him down and he continued, "that disgusting piece of shit saw that and still asked you to do those things. Then has the fucking nerve today-"

"Rae?" Gabby cut in, noticing her staring off into the distance as Samuel barely calmed himself down. "Maybe you should lie down."

"He kept trying to meet me for a drink and then kept telling me to remember I was begging to be his friend," more tears unknowingly falling, "he brought up me blocking him and he- he got so mad when you called me," she looked into Samuel's eyes, "he tried following me to meet you. I'm so-"

Samuel's hands immediately grabbing her face, "do not apologize for that motherfucker. None of this is your fault, he's an asshole."

Her breaths growing deeper, remembering her encounter with him earlier and how scared she felt, "he even joked about what we did together and- he laughed at me." She closed her eyes, trying to look away but his hands stayed firmly on her. He practically was holding her head up.

"Fuck this-" Gabby started stomping out of the apartment, quickly swiping through her contacts trying to find someone who knows Michael. "Gabby girl, that's not gonna solve anything." Dahlia headed towards her while Samuel tried reassuring Rae, calming her down all the while debating on joining Gabby.

"Do you think I'm gross?" She asked in a low voice, not hearing Gabby and Dahlia going back and forth.

Her question making his heart break, "you're not weird or gross. Nothing is wrong with you," his thumbs gently wiping some of her tears away. She couldn't help leaning further into his touch before fully leaning forward into him. Now in an embrace, he focused all of his energy on her. Soothingly rubbing her back as she whispered, "thank you."

Barely convincing her to lay down, he helped her into her room. He listened to every word exchanged between Dahlia and Gabby who were still going back and forth. Dahlia trying to calm her down. The moment she was asleep, he left the room to approach them.

"Stop."

"Bruh, not you too," Gabby groaned as it was now two against one.

"Do you know anybody who knows him? Or where he lives?"

"No."

"So then leave it alone." Samuel tried walking away only to hear Gabby add, "so that's it? Nobody gives a fuck that he got away with that shit today?"