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❛ YOU PROMISED. ❜ 11. Sonofabitch SEASON 02 EPISODE 05 ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔
It's been seven days since I've spoken, I meant everything I said about keeping my distance. It seems to have put everyone at ease, the violent girl was keeping her mouth closed like she did originally. It made them feel much better, they weren't walking eggshells around me trying to find out what to say and what not to say. They didn't have to worry about me falling over the edge of instability.
Their absence made me feel much better, too.
I am a ticking time bomb; a safety hazard. The silence is helping. I shut my mouth quick, fast, and in a hurry every time I think of putting my two cents in anything— and it goes unnoticed, which isn't new.
At some point I thought I would've been better to set up camp further away from them, I don't want them on edge. I don't want to burden any of them anymore.
It isn't hard to silence myself, to not open my mouth. It took years of neglectance from both my parents, but I had mastered it. I was silent most of the time, how hard would it be to not speak at all.
A frown floats across my lips, the longer I laid underneath the sun and stare up at the sky, my irritation grows. I use nature as a distraction, I always do, same with my journal— scratching my pencil against the paper and scribbling my emotions onto it. Along with my music. It was the same every day, and the only thing it did is gather almost noticable red marks on my chest and arms.. and complete boredom.
I tug the headphones away my ears, yanking it off of my neck and slamming the cassette onto the ground beside me. Even music's starting to bore me. I throw my head back and groan, this is overwhelmingly boring. Grabbing my music and crawling into my tent, I throw the cassette into the corner before slamming my butt down onto the surprisingly comfortable surface. Out of the opening of my tent, I stare at the several trees ahead. I find myself lost in thought, eyes staring down the forest.. wondering what I can do with the freedom.
The crowbar hiding underneath my pillow now comes to light, clutched in my hands, my small fingers wrapping around the rusty metal. I give a peek outside of my tent, looking at camp and hoping thatnobody's watching me. When I see the coast is clear, I was gone. One moment I'm in my tent and the next moment I was dodging trees. I didn't even bother to bring my music. I only needed myself and my weapon.
This is a dumb idea. Go back. Just go back.
I didn't listen, my adrenaline was pumping fast and hard, and the sound of heart racing flooded in the sound of my uneven breaths and steps. It doesn't take long for my screaming thoughts to become just that, a thought.
