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❛ YOU PROMISED. ❜ 13. Ouch SEASON 02 EPISODE 07 ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔
GUILT. It's heavy like an anchor with chains wrapped around my ankles; pulling me down and drowning me in unrelenting pain and regretfulness.
It isn't something that can be helped, nor can it be changed, it just makes things harder for me; like breathing and thinking. Guilt is much too burdensome and it absorbs too much of my time. I can't even begin to fathom the thoughts that run rapid in my mind. Though my guilt is hardly noticeable because my expression stays the exact same, I feel an emmense amount of it.
I watch everyonefrom afar, pacing across the porch.
As the Greene family makes their way back to their house, three men following them. I could still see her over their shoulders; her body just lying there.. lifeless. Shane, of course, was not helping the situation; he pushed the family by screaming and shouting at them, as if he had a right to do so— as if he's trying to get Hershel to throw us off the farm.
It was kind of hard to not listen, though, seeing that I was standing not even six feet away from them. The man did nothing but piss me and the Greene's off, mixing our emotions like a whisk with batter. I lean to the side, against the stairs railings while watching the scene happen right in front of me. The yelling, the arguing, it does nothing but strain my ongoing headache. After watching for a few moments, I decided to step off, falling to the other end of the ridiculously large porch.
The wind picks up and the sky grows darker, a sign of bad luck and maybe guilt. The weather matched how I felt inside, as if it was trying to tell me something. I am not listening.
I, softly, shut my eyes before grasping the rail, letting my head fall back and releasing a deep and long breath. The oxygen leaving my body, though it seemed relaxed, I'm anything but. It causes my throat to tighten and thump in pain, and the focus I have on my breathing distracts me from the tears that cloud my vision. Warm tears I so badly want to release.
"Kendall, the funeral's starting, you comin'?" I hear his voice trying to reach out to me but my mind's way too full and I do nothing but let his words go through one ear and out the other, all while staring out into the fields. "Kendall!"
"No.. I ain't comin'." I mutter, my walls of my throat burning as the words leave it. "I can't."
"What?"
"It's my fault." I hum clutching the railing a bit tighter, "It's all my fault."
"Kendall." Glenn sighs, stepping forward and placing a hand over my shoulder.
I scoff, shaking him off me and stepping away. "I, somehow, was the one that survived.. and I left her behind. I was only thinking of myself, knowing she's never been on her own before." A laugh rose from my throat like a bile, tears burning my eyes as I try blinking them away. "I mean it's not news to me that ya'll liked her more than me, I'm just— just a downer and I make your life harder."
