If You Have Ghost One Shots...You Have Everything

Broken (Ifrit)

TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM: Please please please take this seriously, if you need to reach out to get help do it. Trust me, you are not alone in feeling alone. 

When there is a ritual at the church, it is more than just a big deal.

The band spends all day practicing, adding new riffs, perfecting harmonies, and creating the best set list from all the Papa's eras. Being band manager, it's your job to be brutally honest with everyone about your opinion. The clergy expects the best, they devote their life to this band, and they deserve the best,

"Okay. Listen I know we hate it," you start reading your clipboard as the band picks up their instruments, "We have to do Con Clavi Con Dio'' You were met with groans and complaints, "Oh mi amor why do you make me suffer?" Copia asked, pinching the bridge of his nose, "It's my job. Nihil requested it." More groans, "Yeah, he also requested Genesis. Who the fuck still listens to Genesis?" Sodo quipped back, "Look if you sing it and stop complaining, you can play Mummy Dust." Everyone started smiling and laughing. Last time the band played Mummy Dust for the congregation, Terzo jumped into the audience and started grinding on every sister that threw herself onto him, least to say, Sister was furious. The band starts playing and you sit in the pew in front of the stage, trying to pick apart any mistakes. You catch a sharp chord from Sodo, Mountain missed one beat, and Copia needs to be more sexual...it's Mummy Dust,

"Good job, it was not bad, Sodo watch the opening chord, it sounded strange." He nodded and started practicing the chord quietly, "Mountain make sure to hit the pick up note before the second 'In God we trust'' You saw the gears in his head turn before he nodded understandingly, "And Copia...I don't know how to say this but, be more sexual. It's Mummy Dust." The band laughed as he blushed, "I'll try my best!" He promised. You smile and look back down at your clipboard, "Okay so obviously the next songs are going to be Mary on a Cross, Call me Little Sunshine, Square Hammer, Elizabeth, and I'm giving you a choice" they all stared at you, "You can play either Enter Sandman" Aether and Sodo smiled at that option, "Or...Missionary Man" The ghoulettes squealed and Copia fist pumped, "Alright all in favor of Enter Sandman raise your hand" Swiss, Aether, Sodo, and Mountain raised their hands, "All in favor for Missionary Man" Cumulus, Cirrus, Sunshine, Rain, and Copia raised their hands cheering, "Alright, the masses have spoken!" You announce dramatically, "Drumroll please Mountain" He laughs and starts playing, "MISSIONARY MAN!" You scream. The ghoulettes squeal and hug each other, "Y/n!?" You hear Sister Imperator yell, everybody stops and stands quietly, "Yes Sister Imperator?" You ask standing and bowing your head, "Ifrit has requested your assistance." She walks out of the chapel. Once the door closes, you turn around blushing to face the band. Aether and Sodo make an 'ooo' sound, "Oh shut up you two. I'll see you all tonight." You say quickly leaving the chapel to find Ifrit.

He usually would be waiting for you in your room unless he was really feeling down. You opened your door, but your room was empty. Now you were nervous, Ifrit tried to play a stoic leader in the church and he was respected for it, but the high level of stress causes him to become anxious and a little bit clingy. He would have panic attacks and nightmares from his time on tour, but he would try to hide it from you, but you knew. You quickly ran to his room which was in the basement. His room has his symbol etched into the dark stained wood with the other ghouls of his era. Your brain is now covered in panic nearing the hallway. You find his door and go to open it, it's locked. Not thinking clearly, you kick the door knob, the door swings open.

Ifrit was not in his bed or on his couch. You see the bathroom lights on and you panic some more. Ifrit has had an issue with self harm. He would cut himself. His chest, arms, and thighs were painted with scars from before he met you. You had never seen fresh cuts, blood, or any sharp objects in his room. You start to panic again as the bathroom door is locked. You kick open that door too and see a clearly shocked Ifrit about to cut a new line into his wrist. His upper arm already had fresh wounds still bleeding. You stood there in shock. He promised you that since you have been together that he wouldn't cut again. You both created a plan for when his anxiety got to be too much that would avoid cutting. Ifrit quickly tossed the blade onto the counter and started to wash away the blood, "Y/n I can explain, I'm sorry I swear I-" He wipes all of the blood off of himself and moves to hold you, you push away "Why? When did you start again-I-Ifrit why?" He looked down at you with regret and sadness in his eyes, "I-It's just my stupid brain" he started to cry, "I tried to do what we talked about, I walked around the garden five times, counted all the windows, took deep breaths, but it wouldn't work." You can't make yourself cry. You are mad. You worked with him for too long for him to cut again and what's worse is that you were not there for him quick enough.

You silently walk over to the sink and bend over to grab the first aid kit. You put the toilet seat down, "Sit." You tell him. He listens. Luckily you were not too late and his cuts were not too deep. He had a total of twelve new cuts, squeezed between old, white scars. You stared at his arm as he looked up at you like a scared puppy who knew he did something wrong. You pick up the neosporin and gently rub a little bit of the ointment into each cut. Ifrit winces slightly at your touch, you do it as slow and easy as you can to try and not cause him pain, but you need to make sure he understands how much you care for his well being. You wash your hands and grab the bandage. His upper arm would need a wrap, his wrist only had one or two cuts, they could be covered with bandages, "Hold your arm here." You order, he holds it. You gently and quickly wrap his arm and place the bandages. Once you finished, you cleaned up the bandage wrappers and put the first aid kit back under the sink. You looked at the floor and gasped. There was blood all over the side of the tub and tile floor. Your breathing got irregular, tears now started to sting your eyes. Ifrit noticed you staring and he stood up and went to hold you. You pushed him away, "Go lay down. I'll be in soon." You whisper, your voice cracking, "Y/n, let me clean it, it's my fault please bab-" "No. Go rest." You say wetting a towel to wipe up the blood. Ifrit bows his head in defeat and walks out of the bathroom. You wipe up the blood as quickly as possible and toss the now pink rag into the laundry bin.

You walk out of the bathroom and see Ifrit sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands, "Ifrit," You say standing in front of him. His hands shoot to your hips and he gets on his knees, "Please forgive me" he cries into your stomach. Your hands rest in his hair, gently massaging his scalp trying to calm him down, "I understand if you want to break up with me, I'm a mess. I'm a fucking mess and all I do is cause problems around here. I can't do anything right, I'm sorry for ruining someone as perfect as you." You drop to your knees in front of him and place your hands on either side of his face, making him look at you, "No. No baby, I love you, I will never leave you. You are my reason to keep going, everyday I think of you. I just want you to be happy, I want you to feel wanted, needed, and necessary because you are. If not to this church then to me. I need you. I need you here forever." He melts into your touch. He wraps his arms around your waist and buries his head into the crook of your neck, letting the tears fall. You bury yours in his and cry too. After a while, you both calm down, "Baby." You whisper, he pulls back to look at you, "I'm going to show you something okay?" He nods. You let out a shaky breath and remove your flannel, showing him your scars on your upper arm. He gasps and gently runs his fingers over the faded lines, "Y/n, why? You're so perfect and beautiful."

You smile shyly, "I didn't understand that until you told me so. I struggled too, it was a long, long journey. I didn't have anyone with me to help-"

"You have me, you never need to do this, I'm-"

"Ifrit. See, you're doing the same thing I'm trying to do for you."

"I know, I just. You never told me"

"I didn't want you to think I was weak." You start to cry. Iftit gently wiped away the tears that stained your cheeks,

"No, no Y/n. You are stronger than anyone else I know. You are stubborn and loving, you make me feel so needed and loved, I can't thank you enough." You cuddle into his chest as he holds you tight to his body. You both could feel the love and comfort in the room. After a few minutes you speak up, "Can we lay in the bed?" He gives you a raised eyebrow, "Shouldn't you go help the band for the ritual?" You shake your head, "They're fine without me. I want to stay with you tonight. Can I sleep with you?" He laughed softly, "You never need to ask baby."