(Dis)order (A Never Let Me Go Fanfiction) (Bilingual Book)

Chapter 6 - Differences

With his face turned towards the ceiling and his eyes closed, Palm let the warm water pour over his naked body, hoping that a good morning shower would help relax his numb muscles. And by the same token, his mind. Undoubtedly that the lack of sleep from the day before was to blame to explain his current not so good state. But it was not the only responsible. Nor the main one.

The real one was not too far away. It was himself. At least, that was what came to mind every time his gaze stopped on the wound on his waist. It wasn't very deep, so he wouldn't feel it if he avoided to touch it. If he didn't push too hard, it should disappear soon. However, the feelings that were related to it would probably not follow the same path. They would leave, undoubtedly, an indelible trace, against which time could do nothing.

And he was giving in to it. He was letting himself be carried away by this gaze, these attentions, these gestures, which perhaps made sense only to him.

Palm took a deep breath, as a multitude of tensions were again about to surge throughout his body at the mere thought that he would soon have to return to Nueng.

Nueng... The boy he was supposed to expect nothing from, but who he was already giving much more than the reasonable limit, and who had spent the night lying in his sheets. Right next to him. Close enough that the thought to reach out and hug him crossed his mind.

The young man in charge of protecting Nueng laughed silently at his own desires. He really wasn't learning from his mistakes.

This embrace he had initiated and worse, this kiss that he had shared with the other high school student and which was absolutely not anticipated, should have made him react. In the end, such a thing didn't happen, on the contrary, he had accepted it and persisted on the same way. A bad way. He was sure of it.

He wasn't here for that. He wasn't supposed to feel this way. He wasn't supposed to think... that Nueng could feel like him. There was no reason. He had just needed a little comfort in a difficult moment to face alone. After all, that's what Palm had been told to do. To protect him and reassure him when he had doubts. Like a bodyguard was supposed to do. And that was it.

Because when one's considered Palm's position, it would be completely implausible, not to say crazy, to imagine that Nueng could be interested in him in "that" way. In the same way that he was.

The son of Chanon felt really ridiculous, to be already fantasizing things all alone, just after such a tiny incident. He wondered where he was heading, if it wasn't for disaster.

The young man cursed himself mentally, before using the water which ran between his hands to splash his face, as an attempt to clear his mind. He quite needed it. He was completely losing it. And forgetting where his place was, at the same time.

Once he finished showering, he turned off the faucet and took the towel he had left hanging at the top of the glass door to dry himself quickly from head to toe. When he left the shower, he met his reflection in the slightly fogged mirror and stopped for a second to look at himself. As a way for him to remember, one last time, who he was and why he was here, right now. With Nueng.

And that this chance was likely to be gone, if he didn't get his act together right away. For if he didn't, his father would soon enough take action.

After a last glance at the mirror which, as it reflected a tired image back to him, told him quite clearly that it was the best decision to take, Palm gave himself a small tap on the cheeks before picking up the clothes which he had prepared on the basket of linen. Then, he left the bathroom, while continuing to wipe his hair with his towel in the corridor.

On the way, he crossed the path of the housekeeper, Aunt Nid, who, as he should have expected, did not miss to see him.

"Aren't you ready yet, Palm?" she exclaimed in a tone of surprise and concern. "Go quickly and get the young master. He should get up now!"

Palm stood still for a moment, mouth wide open, seeming to think about what the short-haired lady had just asked him, which apparently was not that logic for him, before blinking rapidly, head down, suddenly realizing that he had probably wasted a lot more time than he would have thought in the shower, torturing his mind:

"Uh... sure, I'll go right away..." he said, immediately resuming his walk.

But just as he was about to open the door of the room he had gone to after receiving Aunt Nid's instructions, which he thought he had followed to the letter, she looked at him with a strange air.

"Hm? Why are you going back to your room? His is over there," she moaned as she pointed to the opposite side.

(Author's note: oh Palm, what a blunder... ^^')

The young man slowly raised his head, until his glance met that of aunt Nid, who seemed to have her batch of questions in head for him. And it was not the way Palm was blushing now that was going to help her understand better.

"...Ah. Yeah... Of course..." he breathed while hurrying to let go of the door handle, as if it would burn him.

"You're definitely not wide awake this morning," the middle-aged woman remarked, having her fists resting on her hips as she continued to study Palm's strange reactions with skepticism. "Are you certain everything's okay?"

"I apologize," the young man simply responded, biting his lips, thinking that it was better for him to say as little as possible at this point.

This answer only convinced the housekeeper partly. She watched him for a moment, waiting for him to change his mind, but as Palm did not, and as she still had work to do, she finally turned on her heels and walked away toward the staircase, having nevertheless given him a few more recommendations:

"I have to go back to the kitchen. You'd better hurry up and wake up the young master, so that he can take his bath. Otherwise, he'll be late. Can I count on you?"

Palm nodded his head in agreement, keeping it scrupulously lowered until Aunt Nid disappeared from his sight, making her way to the floor below. Finally, he could breathe again. Even if the relief was only temporary. He knew that.

Because now, he was going to have to face a completely different kind of problem. A problem that was just as difficult to solve as it was to ignore.

A very appealing problem, which was probably still lounging in Palm's bed right now.

= 15.01.2023 =