BALANCE || Hyunlix

Chapter 39 - Confession

Hyunjin stopped moving. His heart sank somewhere in his stomach, and he felt as if someone had knocked his breath out of him. That someone was the beautiful silver haired person on his bed who said the line that every person in a relationship doesn't want to hear.

"Hyunjin, we need to talk. About us."

He hoped he could avoid it for a while longer. He was selfish and blamed himself for it in his mind. Of course, he knew where this conversation was going. Summer was approaching, Hyunjin still didn't tell anyone about their relationship. That is, with the exception of Jae, who caught them. And Felix's exchange program was about to end as well.

"I... I know." He admitted and reluctantly sat down next to Felix so they could continue their important conversation.

"Listen... It's hard for me to talk about this too, but we have to work it out." Felix grabbed his hand. He had to at least hold him somehow, because he was afraid that he would run away at any moment. Hyunjin was silent. He was never able to talk about his feelings or deal with relationship issues. He was waiting to hear what Felix would say next.

"I'll just tell you first that I care a lot about you and our relationship. I don't want to lose you, but... how are we going to do this? I'm going back to Australia at the end of the school year. Plus, it seems like you're not ready to admit to people that we're together and I... it's hard for me to be honest." Felix tried to be strong for both of them. He wanted to cry again at the thought of them breaking up.

"I get you. I understand it's hard for you and I'm sorry." Hyunjin played with Felix's fingers to keep himself busy and not think about the tears welling up in his eyes.

"You don't have to apologize to me. Just... let's work it out. How will it be?

"I don't know, Felix."

Felix didn't want to hear this. He himself hoped that he and his boyfriend would communicate and come to some kind of solution. After all, Hyunjin couldn't be so irresponsible and not think about it at all, or not? What did he think? That they will have a brief secret romance that will make Hyunjin explore his sexuality and then he'd go back to his normal life when Felix returns to Australia? Bad and irrational thoughts began to creep into Felix's head, and against his will, tears began to fall onto their intertwined hands.

Hyunjin's heart was breaking. He really didn't know what the solution was. All he knew was that he wanted to be with Felix. And he didn't want to hurt him. And he wanted him to stop crying now. He let go of Felix's hand and cupped his cheeks.

"Hey, look at me."

Felix reluctantly raised his watery eyes and looked at Hyunjin, who was also on the edge of crying. Hyunjin started to wipe the endless tears from Felix's face in silence.

"Maybe I don't know what the solution is, and maybe I don't know if I'm ready for everyone to know about us. But I know I feel amazing with you, I know I tremble with joy whenever I'm with you and I know I'm dying to touch you whenever I see you." Hyunjin tried to translate everything his heart was telling him, but it wasn't the whole thing.

"I do know that I love you." He added in a firm, determined voice, not breaking eye contact with Felix.

Felix's eyes widened and he sniffled. He was moved by every word Hyunjin said to him. They've never said it before. Yes, he could sense it from his actions, but he had never heard him actually say it. He was quiet for a moment, processing what he had just been told.

"I love you too, Hyunjin." He answered him with a shaky voice. "And that's why I'm so afraid of losing you."

Hyunjin immediately pulled Felix onto his lap and hugged him tightly.