Assistant

27

The next day, I stay in bed for the whole hour of breakfast. I didn't want to go out of my room for anything. Though I still had to get ready for the graduation ceremony later in the day.

With very little motivation, I get up from my bed and head straight to the kitchen. I was about to make some late breakfast until I realized that I'm not hungry at all.

So instead I go back to the room to sit on my bed. I want to sleep some more but I know I'm not going to be able to sleep at all. I'm not having anymore nightmares but the bad thing about it, is that I wish I did. Those nightmares reminded me of when I was with Severus. Everytime I woke up from a bad dream, I would see Severus beside me, sleeping peacefully like nothing is wrong.

I would hesitate to tell him my nightmares every single day because if I did, Chris would go after Severus and my parents. I had to lose sleep just for him to be safe. I suffered to keep him safe. I lied to keep him safe. And he said I was a mistake?

My hands turn to fists when I thought of it like that.
I did whatever I could to keep him safe and he didnt appreciate it. Instead he kicked me out of his room without letting me explain.

But I couldn't tell him anything.

I relax my fists when I realized that being mad at him would not do anything to fix things. Holding a grudge against people is not a skill that I have.

Imagining Severus with me right now made me remember all the things we did together. It made a small smile appear on my lips but I quickly stopped. I need to be mad at him but I can't. Severus let me be myself around him, let me tell him interesting things, and the way he made me feel on the bed was nothing like I've ever felt before. Severus was my first and I wanted him to be my only. I don't want to find anyone else because I know no one else is able to compare.

Suddenly I get startled when I heard a knock at my door. I immediately erase some images from my head and walk over to open the door.

"Everything alright? You missed breakfast." Lupin asks with a worried expression.

"I'm okay. Just, trying to find some clothes for the ceremony." That was a lie. Though I should've been doing that instead of thinking of sexual memories.

"Would you like any help?" Lupin offers.

"I'm okay Lupin. If I need any help, I know where to find you." I say with a forced smile. He noticed but didn't say anything.
"I'll see you soon, okay?" I say quietly before closing the door. I wanted him to keep me company but I also wanted to be alone.

Worst part of today, is that I have to sit next to Severus.
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The ceremony starts at 7:30 and I only have my hair done. I have 30 minutes left before it starts.
So I quickly get dressed in one of my dresses that I brought from home. I was saving it for this day with a smile on my face but that's not going to happen. The dress itself is beautiful but my smile isn't there.

I have a long black dress with long lace sleeves, a v-neck line, and a look alike corset on the waist. I know it's too much but I wanted to wear it when I felt like I accomplished my teaching skills as a celebration with the ceremony. I do feel like I accomplished my teaching skills but the smile is still not there.

When I finish putting on my heels, I look in the mirror to make sure I look decent, or more than that.

I hear a few knocks at the door, which led me to believe it was Lupin wanting to walk me down to the great hall.
Once more, I look in the mirror but begin to get watery eyes. I had the nerve to imagine Severus standing behind me and complimenting me about the dress. If he was here, he would hug me from behind and not let me leave the room. He would keep me in bed all night long.